In Defense of Gossip

This is a response to In Defense of Jesse James by John DeVore. In case you don't feel like reading DeVore's piece, it can be summarized as follows:
- "Moral vigilantism" is bad
- "He who points a finger has three pointed back at him"
- "Leave Jesse James alone!"

Although I think DeVore's article is very well written, I disagree with him on basically every point. I think that public spectacle, for lack of a better term, is a good thing. Public spectacle is beneficial for the same reason as greek plays. It shows our morality. It allows us a society, to decide what our standards are and sends a visible message to the rest of the society on what is permissible and what's not. There are a lot of cultures that do the opposite. In Korea, if a man cheats and the wife says anything; she's the one shunned. Silence is valued over monogamy. What's the result? Men cheat, and women suck it up or are punished. Make no mistake about it, silence favors the man.

So let the world know. Let them vent, let them threaten and point fingers. Maybe it'll keep some other man to control his impulses. Keep some other family together. Some men will always cheat, some never will--but most men are somewhere in between those two poles and society can sway them one way or another. This is precisely why we need the public drama of Jesse James to play out to show the consequences. I'd like to think that most people, men and women, look at Jesse James and think, "what a poor decision." Any maybe some man will consider that the costs of an affair may far outpace the benefits.

I think it's important that people recognize social reprecussions as one of the consequences of cheating. People LIKE you less. The tragedy of the Tiger Woods story is that despite running around town with every woman with a pulse, he's no less of a golfer. But Jesse James is an entertainer--he makes his money off a profession that is taste-based. There's a lesson to be learned there. Personally, I'm interested in seeing the rehabilitation aspect, "can these guys stop cheating now?" or will they just get better at covering their tracks? or neither? That's important for people to get a sense of, in case they should ever catch a cheating spouse. For every Jesse James or Tiger Woods, there's a million non-celebrity cheaters you don't hear about. Not to mention, a million small-town wives, who I hope that hearing these stories gives them a sense that they're not alone and maybe helps them find the strength to leave a bad relationship.