Biological Immortality

Biological immortality is the absence of a sustained increase in rate of mortality based on chronological age. A cell or organism that does not experience aging, or ceases to age at some point, is biologically immortal. Life defined as biologically immortal is still susceptible to causes of death besides aging, including disease and trauma. Biological Immortality is not just a concept, but has been demonstrated by a few species on earth:

• Turritopsis nutricula — a species of jellyfish. After becoming a sexually mature adult, they transform back into a child (the polyp stage) via the cell conversion process of transdifferentiation. This process repeats indefinitely. Its immortal adaptation has allowed it to spread from its original habitat in the Caribbean to "all over the world."

• Bacteria (as a colony) — Bacteria reproduce through cell division. A parent bacterium splits itself into two identical daughter cells. These daughter cells then split themselves in half. This process repeats, thus making the bacterium colony essentially immortal.

• Hydra — a freshwater animal, considered biologically immortal as they do not undergo senescence or aging. Hydras are predatory animals that can be found in most unpolluted freshwater ponds, lakes and streams in the temperate and tropical regions.

• Bristlecone Pines — a pine tree species speculated to be potentially immortal; the oldest known living specimen is 4,789 years old. Even longer lived are "tree colonies" which are genetically identical trees that are all a part of a single living organism with an enormous underground root system. A group of 47,000 Quaking Aspen clones (nicknamed "Pando") in Utah is estimated to be about 80,000 years old. A colony of sea grass, Posidonia oceanica, in the Mediterranean Sea, could be up to 100,000 years of age

The Erdemovic Dilemma

At the height of the Bosnian war, Drazen Erdemovic was a 23-year old soldier in the Bosnian Serb army led by Radko Mladic. When war broke out, Erdemovic was an unemployed electrician with a wife and newborn son. He had no enthusiasm for the war, but in an effort to support his family he enlisted with Croatian forces but was soon expelled for releasing prisoners slated for abuse. Erdemovic specifically requested assignment to a non-combat unit “so that he would not have to shoot anyone."

On July 15th, immediately following the fall of Srebrenica, the unit was dispatched to Pilica Farm outside the city. When buses filled with civilian prisoners arrived, Erdemovic’s unit was ordered to lead them into the field in groups of 10 and shoot them all. As soon as Erdemovic realized what was happening, he refused to participate. As he later testified:

"They told us that a busload of civilians would come from Srebrenica. I said immediately that I did not want to take part in that. . .and they told me, ‘If you do not wish to … you can just go stand in line with them. . .and we will kill you too’ I [was] not sorry for myself, but for my family and son who then had nine months, and I could not refuse because they would have killed me."

Erdemovic chose to participate in the firing squads, and he later estimated that he personally killed as many as 70 people over several hours, all of whom were bound and gagged and shot in the back

Question: Can Erdemovic be blamed for the killings?

Perspectives on the Meaning of Life: Existentialism

This is a part of the Perspectives on the Meaning of Life series.

Existentialism says each man and each woman creates the meaning of his and her life; meaning cannot be determined by a supernatural god or an earthly authority. Existentialism says meaning must be created not discovered. Thus one is free to define meaning on an individual level. In seeking meaning to life, the existentialist looks to where people find meaning in life, in course of which using only reason as a source of meaning is insufficient.

To the existentialist, existence precedes essence; the (essence) of one's life arises only after one comes to existence. Kierkegaard coined the term "leap of faith", arguing that life is full of absurdity, and one must make his and her own values in an indifferent world. This interpretation of the concept is often related to the insistence on the absurdity of the world and the assumption that there exist no relevant or absolutely good or bad values. However, that there are no values to be found in the world in-itselfdoes not mean that there are no values: We are usually brought up with certain values, and even though we cannot justify them ultimately, they will be "our" values. One can live meaningfully (free of despair and anxiety) in an unconditional commitment to something finite, and devotes that meaningful life to the commitment.

Albert Camus explores the implications of Existentialism in The Myth of Sisyphus. In the essay, Camus introduces his philosophy of the absurd: man's futile search for meaning, unity and clarity in the face of an unintelligible world devoid of God and eternal truths or values. Camus compares the absurdity of man's life with the situation of Sisyphus, a figure of Greek mythology who was condemned to repeat forever the same meaningless task of pushing a boulder up a mountain, only to see it roll down again. The essay concludes, "The struggle itself...is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

When Seasons Greetings go Wrong!

In honor of thanksgiving, I decided to play with the social conventions involving greetings. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Sasha Fierce: Happy thanksgiving

me: no thanks

Sasha Fierce: Huh

me: i reject your seasonal greeting

Sasha Fierce: Uhm

U cant

Reject it

N why wud u

me: yes i can

Sasha Fierce: ..

Why wud u

me: just to b a prick

duh

me: happy thanksgiving

Laura Atlas: you too Grahamers!!!

me: no thx

Laura Atlas: sorry lol

me: happy turkey day

Arnold Peppercorn: back at you

me: no thx

Arnold Peppercorn: alright

fuck off then

trick

me: happy thanksgiving

Max Dunbar: you too

me: no thx

Max Dunbar: fagot

me: go fuck yourself

i am rejecting your seasonal greeting

Max Dunbar: i'm rejecting your rejection

me: oooh

does this mean i HAVE to have a happy thanksgiving now?

damn u for bringing me joy on this solemn day of indian massacre

me: Happy thanksgiving!

Ricardo Santiago: Thanks gm. Happy tofurkey day to u too

me: tofurkey, are you serious?

Ricardo Santiago: Yeah man. I'm going to have it for the first time today...

me: u vegetarians don't deserve this holiday

i retract my 'happy thanksgiving'

Ricardo's new status message - Happy Tofurkey day everyone!

me: ...

Learning from MMORPGs

MMORPG's may have more to tell us about ourselves then we realize. Already, social scientists have been studying how people interact in these games. Since the interactions between MMORPG players are real, even if the environments are virtual, psychologists and sociologists are able to use MMORPGs as tools for academic research. Sherry Turkle, a clinical psychologist, has conducted interviews with computer users including game-players. Turkle found that many people have expanded their emotional range by exploring the many different roles (including gender identities) that MMORPGs allow a person to explore.

Economist have gotten in on the act too because many MMORPGs feature living economies. Virtual items and currency have to be gained through play and have definite value for players. Such a virtual economy can be analyzed (using data logged by the game) and has value in economic research; more significantly, these "virtual" economies can have an impact on the economies of the real world. One of the early researchers of MMORPGs was Edward Castronova, who demonstrated that a supply-and-demand market exists for virtual items and that it crosses over with the real world.

More recently, in World of Warcraft, a temporary design glitch attracted the attention of psychologists and epidemiologists across North America, when a" disease of a monster began to spread unintentionally—and uncontrollably—into the wider game world. Blizzard had implemented a new dungeon which included a spell effect called 'Corrupted Blood'. It was a spell that did damage to you, and if you came near other players, the spell effect passed on to them. The spell was intended to exist only in one dungeon, but there was a bug and it got out. Players went back into towns and were spreading it to other players.

Blizzard got calls from the CDC - the Center for Disease Control - saying: "Hey, what's all this about the disease in your game? We want to look at the simulation data - it might help us in a real-world situation." The Center for Disease Control used the incident as a research model to chart both the progression of a disease, and the potential human response to large-scale epidemic infection.

The Clock Puzzle

The Problem: If you look at a clock and the time is 4:20, what is the angle in degrees between the hour and the minute hands? (The answer to this is not zero!)

The Answer: 10 degrees. First, some basic math: every minute on the clock is 6 degrees (360 degrees divided by 60 minutes = 6 degrees per minute). Although the minute hand is directly on the "4" on the face of the clock, the hour hand no longer is. Why? The hour hand was directly on the "4" at 4:00, but at 4:20 it's already a third of the way into its journey from the "4" to the "5." Every hour, the hour hand moves 30 degrees (five minutes). Since it is exactly 1/3 past the hour, the hour hand is 1/3 of the way into its 30-degree trip, which is 10 degrees past the "4" on the face.

Anomy: Part II

This is a follow up to Anomy: An Epic Poem in Three Parts

Part II follows the protagonist as he brokers a deal with the Devil to get to Eden so he can eat the apple from the tree of life. This section pays homage to Faust, a classic German legend about a man who makes a pact with the Devil in exchange for knowledge. The story has been told by many authors but the two most influential works on Anomy were Christopher Marlowe's Doctor Faustus and Johann Goethe's Faust.

-------------------------------------------------

The tree cannot be found on a map
To find it, I must first face a trap
And with Satan strike a deal !
So to learn what he knows
To Lucifer, I will propose
For my soul, the garden be revealed !

Before I can live a life eternal,
I must contract a pact infernal !

The Devil hangs down in New Orleans
Preying on people without means
In the house of the rising sun
He plays poker in the member’s club
With Asmodeus, Lillith and Beelzebub
Until his time on earth is done.

I asked him if he knew where Eden lie,
He nodded his head and answered aye.

I said that I was here to trade
For the tree, my soul I’d pay
And the Devil responded to me,
“I think most mortals would confess
Death is never quite a welcome guest
But even fewer men seek my company.”

“To close most pacts I must cajole
Yet you eagerly offer up your soul.
Without a fight, the deal is a bore.
Besides, I’d never get the soul you supply
Once you have a body that cannot die,
For your wish you must give more.”

“Should you insist that we proceed;
You’ll have to take someone’s soul for me”

The debt I offered I could not tender,
To promise a soul I’d need a lender
I must concede the request gave me pause
To serve the devil may be too much to bear
But for all eternity can’t one life be spared?
If my means damn me, I’m saved by my cause

I told the Devil I’d give him his price,
And he said just my offer would suffice
Satan’s show of mercy was mighty odd,
He said, “Souls do me no good in the end,
I’m only interested in making humans bend
To show they are more like me than God.”

“You are young and fueled by pride
Like I was when I decided to defy
But I have seen rebellion lost.
I once gazed upon God’ face
Now I know not his embrace
But understand defiance’s cost.”

“The souls I collect will all rise one day
When He returns, their debts are repaid
But I will still be stuck in hell
And like me, your soul will not rise
Because your body is still alive
And an empty earth will be your cell.”

I’ll not let a pleasure I’ll never know
Keep me from where I need to go !
I told Satan I care not of my fate,
Even if I’m making a mistake
It is my decision alone to make
And my desire is to see Eden’s gate.

More dissuasion he did not attempt
He knew now I would not relent
No matter how much he implore me.
I swear I saw the Devil sigh
But by the next blink of my eye
The gates of Eden stood before me.

-------------------------------------------------

The centerpiece in Part II of Anomy is Satan. As I wrote, I had trouble reconciling how the Devil can be evil and culpable but still a creation of God who only did what he was predestined to do. Thus in Anomy, the Devil is not a villain but a living cautionary tale--he defied God and is now stuck on earth serving as a warning to others. He's not evil as much as bored. It is this boredom that has lead him to buy souls. He recognizes that his trade is pointless as all souls will rise eventually in the second coming. Thus he only gets people to sell the souls and compromise their ethics so as to irritate God and point out that if humans are worthy of forgiveness, perhaps so is he.

Click here to view Anomy: Part III

Die Hard Riddles

The following riddles all come from the classic 90's action flick, Die Hard with a Vengeance. If you can solve them all, congratulations, you're well equipped to defend New York from terrorists.

The Problem: What has four legs and is always ready to travel?

The Answer: An elephant, because it always has its trunk.

The Problem: As I was going to St Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Every wife had seven sacks, every sack had seven cats, every cat had seven kittens. Kittens, cats, sacks, wives--how many were going to St Ives?

The Answer: Just one, you! The man and his wives and cats are not going to St. Ives, just you are.

The Problem: You are in front of a fountain. You have an empty 5 gallon and 3 gallon jug of water. You must measure out exactly 4 gallons of water. You cannot eyeball at all, it must be exactly 4 gallons.

The Answer: There are two solutions to the water jug riddle.

1. Fill the 5 gallon jug and the pour the water into the 3 gallon jug. This leaves two gallons in the big jug.

2. Empty the 3 gallon jug and pour in the two gallons from the 5 gallon jug, leaving space for one gallon in the small jug.

3. Refill the 5 gallon jug and pour water from it into the 3 gallon jug until the small jug's full. That leaves exactly four gallons in the big jug!

The second method is:

1. Fill the 3 gallon jug and pour the water into the 5 gallon jug.

2. Refill the 3 gallon jug, and pour into the 5 gallon jug until the big jug is full, leaving one gallon in the small jug.

3. Empty the big jug, and transfer the one gallon from the small jug to the big jug.

4. Refill the small jug and pour all three gallons into the 5 gallon jug, resulting in four gallons in the big jug.

Drawing Hands

Drawing Hands is a lithograph by M. C. Escher. It shows a peice of paper out of which two increasingly detailed hands rise and draw eachother into existence. Escher uses a number of creative techniques to achieve his effect: the hands become more detailed and shaded closer to the palm and are simpler and more cartoonish at the wrist. This is used to both create and challenge our illusion of realism. The hands are both the object and method of creation.

The lithograph signifies mutual constitution; that is, the principle of one entity being formed by the other and vice versa (like predator–prey co-evolution). However, our minds cannot reconcile how the picture emerged in the first place. If we were to imagine that this lithograph was a dynamic work where the hands would continue drawing themselves, we could easily imagine how the work would end up looking but we could not go back in time and figure out where the first hand came from. It depicts a simple creation paradox where neither hand seems to have an origin (see the post on Terminator Time Travel for another paradox which appears to have no origin point).

In Escher's lithograph, the paradox is effective at pointing out the unreality of the image. Like many surrealists works, the image is more effective at defining how the unreal works than the real. The image we are shown does not depict the rules of our world, instead it shows us the magical rules of art--where gravity can be defied, perspectives need not add up and two hands may draw themselves into existence (many of these themes appear in Escher's other work which display fantastic but impossible landscapes). In the world of Drawing Hands, creation doesn't require an origin--like Athena springing from Zeus' forehead, it can be spontaneous. So long as both hand draws the other, we can understand how the image exists by its rules if not ours.

Music from Ghana: Bumper 2 Bumper

Bumper 2 Bumper by Wande Coal.

Anomy: An Epic Poem in Three Parts

What follows is Part I of my attempt to write an epic poem in the style of John Milton. The title, "Anomy," means a violation of divine law. The plot follows an attempt to re-enter the Garden of Eden and eat the fruit of the tree of life, the counterpart to the more-famous tree of knowledge, which imparts immortality instead of wisdom to its consumer.

-------------------------------------------------

There are two trees in the middle of Eden
Whose fruits God forbade Adam from eating
A serpent tempted Eve to feast on the forbidden
So as to gain the knowledge of good and evil
And paradise’s perpetual calm saw an upheaval
Adam and Eve were expelled; Eden was hidden.

The Lord and his angels had much to discuss,
“Behold, man has now become like one of us,
He must not be allowed to reach out his hand
and take also from the tree of life and live forever.”
So man walked the earth and survived by endeavor;
From his ancestral homeland eternally banned.

The tree of life still stands in that land,
Immortality awaits to be plucked by our hand.

The providence of God, foolish tongues address:
Complaining for suffering Adam to transgress.
When God gave him reason, he gave him freedom to choose
Else he’d been an artificial Adam as he is in the motions
God gave us the faculties that birthed his rogue notions
Are we to believe his gift we were supposed to refuse?

I suspect the Lord always intended that man
Would complete the meal that Adam began;
Why else create such a fruit to tease us at all?
Tomorrow we will run faster, stretch our arms farther
Is that not why we’re here? And if not, why bother?
Our fine morning beckons and I will answer its call.

God’s command to Adam had only one pardon:
“You are free to eat from any tree in the garden
but you must not eat from the tree of knowledge,
for when you eat of it you will surely die.”
No ban on the second fruit did apply;
The tree of life wasn’t even acknowledged.

My appetite is as innocent as his
Who would have gladly fed on figs
Between Jerusalem and Bethany.
If I taste the fruit, I’ll be blameless;
Since God commanded only the angels,
Man owes him no further responsibility.

Yet I doubt divine covenants contain loopholes;
A bite of the apple would surely cost me my scruples.

One bite branded man with original sin
And now we are in blood so stepp’d in
Should we wade no more
Returning would be as tedious as go o’er;
To raise our race I alone will stoop lower
And see us to the opposite shore.

God knew our fall would inevitably happen;
He put the tree in the garden inches from Adam.
Now we toil all our days just to die anyway;
God has made us survive by the sweat of brow
But that covenant is over, his rules disavowed.
When immortality could be ours, why shy away?

So I fix my gaze upon the object of man’s fall
I am to set an Anomy, and invite disorder over all

So call me vile for ambition I share with the devil
We both gazed up at God and wished to be at eye level
But the end will be different to Genesis’ sequel
We will not flee the Lord but greet him as equal

We are but strangers and pilgrims on earth
From a better country of heavenly worth
Too long we’ve been without our pleasure dome
So I look to the future with a backward glance
To return to the garden where it all began
Our penance is over; it’s time to go home.

-------------------------------------------------

This section of the poem is loaded with literary references and direct quotes from the Bible. The Biblical quotes are typically marked by quotation marks and easy to spot, however much of the mythos surrounding the tree of life comes from secondary sources like the Dead Sea scrolls. Among the literary references are full lines taken from Shakespeare's Macbeth, F. Scott Fitzgerald's the Great Gastby and John Milton's Areopagitica. There's even a Jay-Z line in there, for the astute reader and student of hip-hop.

Click here to view Anomy: Part II | Click here to view Anomy: Part III

Zombie Walks

A zombie walk (also known as a zombie mob, zombie march, zombie horde, zombie lurch,zombie shamble, zombie shuffle or zombie pub crawl) is an organized public gathering of people who dress up in zombie costumes. Usually taking place in an urban centre, the participants make their way around the city streets and through shopping malls in a somewhat orderly fashion and often limping their way towards a local cemetery or other public space.

During the event participants are encouraged to remain in character as zombies and to communicate only in a manner consistent with zombie behavior. This may include grunting, groaning and slurred, moaning calls for 'brains'. It should be noted that zombie behavior is a hot topic of debate. Purists who draw their definitions from the original Living Dead films will claim that a zombie would never have the ability to call for 'brains' and furthermore that a zombie needs only living or freshly killed flesh for its sustenance, and not the brain in particular.

Zombie walks have become relatively common in large cities, especially in North America, often becoming annual traditions, though some are spontaneous zombie "flash mob" events. On October 30, 2008, Grand Rapids, Michigan, became the largest site of zombies anywhere in the world with well over 4,000+ zombies showing up to this event.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM 2KJJ!

Perspectives on the Meaning of Life: Nihilism

This is a part of the Perspectives on the Meaning of Life series.

Nihilism rejects any authority's claims to knowledge and truth, and so explores the significance of existence without knowable truth. Rather than insisting that values are subjective, and might be warrantless, the nihilist says: Nothing is of value, morals are valueless, they only serve as society's false ideals. Albert Camus asserts that the absurdity of the human condition is that we search for external values and meaning in a world which has none, and is indifferent to us.

Much of Nihilisms fame comes from Nietzsche's famous proclamation that "God is dead." But what Nietzsche was really eulogizing was morality. "God is dead" wasn't about an actual God who first existed and then died in a literal sense. It may be more appropriate to consider it Nietzsche's way of saying that the Gods of religion are no longer a viable source of any moral code. When one gives up faith, one pulls the right to morality out from under one's feet. The problem is retaining any system of values in the absence of a divine order.

Nietzsche asserts that nihilism is a result of valuing "higher", "divine" or "meta-physical" things (such as God), that do not in turn value "base", "human" or "earthly" things. But a person who rejects God and the divine may still retain the belief that all "base", "earthly", or "human" ideas are still valueless because they were considered so in the previous belief system (such as a Christian who becomes a communist and believes fully in the party structure and leader). In this interpretation, any form of idealism, after being rejected by the idealist, leads to nihilism. Moreover, this is the source of "inconsistency on the part of the nihilists". The nihilist continues to believe that only "higher" values and truths are worthy of being called such, but rejects the idea that they exist. Because of this rejection, all ideas described as true or valuable are rejected by the nihilist as impossible because they do not meet the previously established standards.

The Hunt for Truth

"Truth indeed came once into the world with her divine Mater, and, was a perfect shape most glorious to look on: but when he ascended, and his Apostles after him were laid alseep, then strait arose a wicked race of deceivers, who . . . took the virgin Truth , hewed her lovely form into a thousand pieces and scattered them to the four winds. From that time ever since, the sad friends of Truth . . . went up and down gathering up limb by limb still as they could find them. We have not found them all, nor ever shall do."

-John Milton, Areopagitica

The fable Milton created about a personified truth ripped limb from limb suggests that truth is known only in part and the quest for truth can never be fulfilled. The question I ask is what fields can we discover 'truth' and what fields are we forever bound to 'opinion'? Math and science seems like easy answers to discovering objective truth whereas the arts will always develop based on opinion. On the other hand, their must be some visuals that are intuitively attractive to the human eye, some musical sounds that naturally appeal to the human ear. To some extent, even the arts may be reduced to objective measures. It has been said, "if you don't like the Mona Lisa, it says more about you than Da Vinci's skill as a painter." To what extent can arts be reduced to formulas?

Music from Ghana: Shaka Zulu

"Shaka Zulu" is also by 4x4 and features a guest appearance by the Fresh Prince (No, not Will Smith). It has an upbeat, optimistic melody which is a staple of Ghanian music. Notable is the song's chorus which boasts, "girl want a Fresh prince, they want a C.P., they want Abortion." The last line can sound alarming until you realize "Abortion" refers to one of the group's singers.

Bertrand's Box Paradox

The Setup: There are three boxes: a box containing two gold coins, a box with two silver coins, and a box with one of each.

The Problem: After choosing a box at random and withdrawing one coin at random that happens to be a gold coin, what is the probability the remaining coin is gold?

The Solution: The correct answer is two-thirds. It may seem that the probability that the remaining coin is gold has a probability of 1⁄2; in fact, the probability is actually 2⁄3. This is because of the six coins on the table, there are only three that could have been drawn. We know all three are gold and of those three, two are in the box with another gold coin. The coin seen is equally likely to be any of the three gold coins, only one of which is opposite a silver coin

Rurouni

The eclipse of the sun marks the sky

To see what I see is a rare sight

In the air crickets are the only sound

And the trees have gone to sleep

The moon rose where the sun lies

The clouds acquiescing to its silver light

Their red the city below, south, a spiked mound

And no natural shine its glow can o’er reap

In darkness fiery flame dances gracefully

Lonely light shining brightly under the dark light of the moon

With music and words we inspire ourselves

Sounds of the woods adding harmony to our inspirations

Marvel do the spectators gratefully

They are entranced by the flames hypnotic tune I dream

I can hear the call of Rome’s bells

And the sky will fill with the flags of our nations

Along tracks of green empty fields

Among the dotted lines of moon-night clouds

Songs of older times, for their distance clearer,

Unwound strings of planned out sound return music to nature

By my waist is my sword and my shield

And in my ear rings the cheers of the crowds

But all I saw was scars when I look in the mirror

And I shiver when the oracle predicts a great war

Heart of the young, yearning for peace of all

With blade by my side, I fight in the name of justice

Never-ending life of ending life,

Blood stained hands with blood stained heart

I would answer the champion’s call

And when the night falls it will be just us

Gone is my fantasy; I live in a world of strife

And so I make swordsmanship my art

Jim and the Indians

Jim finds himself in the central square of a small South American town. Tied up against the wall are twenty Indians, most terrified, a few defiant, in front of several armed men in uniform. A heavy man in a sweat-stained khaki shirt turns out to be the captain in charge and, after a good deal of questioning of Jim which establishes that he got there by accident while on a botanical expedition, explains that the Indians are a random group of inhabitants who, after recent acts of protest against the government, are just about to be killed to remind other possible protesters of the advantage of not protesting.

However, since Jim is an honoured visitor from another land, the captain is happy to offer him a guest’s privilege of killing one of the prisoners himself. If Jim accepts, then as a special mark of the occasion the other Indians will be let off. Of course, if Jim refuses, there will be no special occasion, and the captain will do what he was about to do when Jim arrived and kill them all.

Jim, with some desperate recollection of schoolboy fiction, wonders whether if he got hold of a gun, he could hold the captain and the rest of the soldiers to threat, but it is quite clear from the set-up that nothing of that kind is going to work; any attempt at that sort of thing will mean that all the Indians will be killed, and himself. The men are against the wall and the other villagers understand the situation and are obviously begging him to accept. What should he do?

Music from Ghana: Leave me Alone

Song by Mimi Devilish, whose name is chanted by the crowd. "Whats the name?" "Devilish!"

Thoughts on tests for vegetative and minimal consciousness

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=learning-in-vegetative-state

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17813-minimally-conscious-patients-can-learn.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news

The following are just some thoughts on these two articles regarding this newly invigorated investigation into distinguishing between people who are in a vegetative state and those who are in a minimally conscious state.

The articles point out that some patients who were thought to be in a vegetative state are capable of some simple associative learning a la Pavlonian or classical conditioning. But what does this tell us about consciousness in these patients? Is the ability to learn these very simple associations sufficient for us to say something is conscious?

For one, I think many people will agree that there are degrees of consciousness, such that humans are somehow more conscious than our primate cousins or our beloved pet dogs. Certainly, dogs are capable of this very simple type of learning as evidenced by the famous Pavlonian trials. But when we consider other organisms capable of classical conditioning, the concept of consciousness begins to become a bit hazy.

It has been demonstrated that sea slugs are capable of this sort of learning. (Bear with me here, as I'm just recalling this from memory and may not be completely accurate). Sea slugs are naturally hard-wired to retract its gills in the presence of certain stimuli, no different than humans are to blinking when something is in their eyes. It has been shown that sea slugs are able to associate a conditioned stimulus to an unconditioned stimulus (which elicits a response--retracting of the gills) after several trials--or the learning period. While scientists are able to give a much more definitive explanation for the phenomena in a sea slug, the implications are that other, more complex organism operate under similar learning mechanisms.

But is this alone enough to say that the sea slug is conscious? There are some philosophical issues that need to be addressed in answering this question, and regardless of which side you choose, the issue of minimally conscious patients complicate the matter further.

If you believe that a sea slug is not conscious, then I would think that you are likely to say that a person in a seemingly vegetative state that is capable of conditional learning is not conscious either. After all, the input-output function is similar and, by choosing this answer, you are more or less taking for granted that the function alone determines consciousness.

For those who believe that the sea slug is conscious, the burden is now on you to differentiate the character or level of consciousness between a minimally conscious patient and a fully conscious one. For example, is a minimally conscious patient that is capable of learning to associate a sound with blinking substantially more conscious than, say, the sea slug, or has this person been reduced to the likes of these gastropods? I think a complete answer to this question will need to address the philosophical and scientific aspects of consciousness, which in turn will need to be reconcilable with today's ethical stance on consciousness or destroy it altogether.

On this sole metric for consciousness, we face difficult questions on whether someone who is in a minimally conscious state should be considered as anything more than a sea slug trapped in a human body. However, as stated earlier, degrees of consciousness are a popular notion, and there is no reason to believe that a diminished consciousness in humans can't also be subject to a continuum.

It has already been shown that one seemingly vegetative patient showed a lot of highly organized and specialized neural activity when verbally asked to think about playing tennis (I think there's a link in the SciAm article somewhere about this). Moreover, stories of seemingly vegetative patients somehow responding to touch or words of a loved one is not uncommon. But is this anything more than a slightly more complex form of classical conditioning? While I haven't read the actual journal on these studies (and I trust that they have taken into consideration the following comments I am about to make), could there be tests for varying degrees of consciousness? For example, instead of asking the patient to visualize playing tennis, ask them to visualize hitting a fuzzy green ball over the net inside the paint to the opponent on the other side with a racquet, then compare the two neural activity patterns to find any significant similarities. Another example would be to condition the number "6" to blinking (via a puff of air), then asking them to calculate simple equations resulting in the number 6.

While this test has many problems in it of itself (e.g., damage to the Broca's area such that they can't understand any words), it could possibly shed a lot of new light on the matter. If they are able to respond to the question "what is two plus four" with a blink, but is unresponsive to the question "what is one plus one," it could offer insights into the degree of the patients consciousness. For example, such results would indicate that the association is not made at the gray-matter level (i.e., the neural activity in the auditory cortex induced by uttering the word "six" into the patients ear) but a "higher," more abstract level of consciousness, such that it is not the word "six" that is associated with blinking but the concept of six. Cases like this are probably extremely rare due to the chances of the appropriate parts of the brain remaining intact after severe overall damage, if not impossible, but I thought it was just something fun to think about.

Music from Ghana: Pigaro

"Pigaro" is a club hit by Ghanian artist Asem. The song's chorus and title, "pigaro" does not translate to anything but refers to a dance made up by the singer. This version of song is notable for the sounds of a jungle cat's roar integrated into the chorus.

Perspectives on the Meaning of Life: Utilitarianism

This is a follow up to PotMoL: Hedonism

Utilitarianism is an ethical system posited as: the good is whatever brings the greatest happiness to the greatest number of people. Utilitarianism is the idea that the moral worth of an action is determined solely by its contribution to overall utility: that is, its contribution to happiness or pleasure as summed among all people, meaning that the moral worth of an action is determined by its outcome. Utility, the good to be maximized, has been defined by various thinkers as happiness or pleasure (versus suffering or pain) thus incorporating a simliar measure as hedonism.

Utilitarianism's connection with hedonism was not lost on its founder, Jeremy Bentham. Bentham, an ethical hedonist, believed the moral rightness or wrongness of an action to be a function of the amount of pleasure or pain that it produced. The calculus could, in principle at least, determine the moral status of any considered act. The algorithm is also known as the hedonistic calculus and the hedonic calculus.

Utilitarianism is an ethical system, and therefore posits man lives for something outside himself. It can be seen as expanding hedonism's values to a community. Whereas hedonism only considers one person's pleasure, Utilitarnism considers the aggregate. Although there are many different ethical systems that people adhere to, almost all incorporate some degree of utilitarian principles.

Music from Ghana: World Trade Center

World Trade Center is by the Ghanaian group 4x4 which consists of two rappers: Captain Planet and Abortion. World Trade Center is their ode to big booty girls as boasted in the song's chorus.

Heaven Can't Wait: Cowboys v. Dinosaurs

And now for somethign completely different, I present my unifinished script for Heaven Can't Wait: Cowboys v. Dinosaurs...

HEAVEN CAN’T WAIT:

Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs

An Original Screenplay

FADE UP

EXT. MOJAVE DESERT – DAY

TEXT ON SCREEN

Mojave Desert, 1921

JEREMIAH COOPER, an old world- weary cowboy, is walking under a blazing sun through the desert. He is obviously exhausted and nearing collapse. He tries to drink from his canteen but there is no water left in it. He collapses to the ground and tries to keep crawling but can barely move. Eventually, he flips over onto his back and closes his eyes. The camera pans out.

EXT. METROPLOIS CITYSCAPE – N/A

Opening credits play over a time-lapse sequence of a cityscape advancing from the early 20^th century to the 57^th century. The architecture and technology changes accordingly.

EXT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION Headquarters– DAY

TEXT ON SCREEN

Ministry of Reanimation, 5770

INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION CONFRENCE ROOM– DAY

WILLSYTHE FORESMAN and several other Reanimators are in a meeting.

REANIMATOR

The Sawyer curve is catching up with us. We’re at 15% below

this year’s projections. The more dirt-devils we find, the less there are left to find. This year alone we exhausted indigenous burial grounds. We’re chasing ashes.

CHIEF REANIMATOR

That’s no excuse. As long as Jimmy Hoffa is out there, we’ve get work to do. Now get out of here, you all disgust me.

The various reanimators exit.

CHIEF REANIMATOR

Willsythe, not so fast: I’m putting you on the Mojave Desert.

WILLSYTHE

I thought Fontaine was canvassing the pacific west.

CHIEF REANIMATOR

Shaddup! I reassigned him! Get out of here! You disgust me!

INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION LOBBY- DAY

Willsythe boards a futuristic shuttle.

INT. MINISTRY SHUTTLE – DAY

Willsythe is talking with fellow reanimator NARVAEZ

NARVAEZ

Where you today, ‘Sythe?

WILLSYTHE

Pacific West.

NARVAEZ

Nevada?

WILLSYTHE

Uh…no thanks

NARVAEZ

No. “Nevada” is what they called that area. It was a province of the Canadian empire.

WILLSYTHE

Nevada, eh?

EXT. MOJAVE DESSERT – DAY

Willsythe’s shuttle hovers above the desert and slowly lands. A hatch opens and he gets out. The shuttle flies away.

Willsythe pulls out some sort of futuristic organic remain detector and begins walking the desert.

EXT. MOJAVE DESSRET – EVENING

Willsythe is still wandering the desert when his detector starts beeping madly. He pulls out a futuristic shovel and begins moving the sand…eventually he comes upon the skeleton of Jeremiah Cooper.

WILLSYTHE

It’s your lucky day, cowboy. Welcome back.

Willsythe excavates the skeleton and puts it in a specially marked bag. Just as he finishes up, the shuttle he came in on lands and he boards it.

INT. MINISTRY SHUTTLE – EVENING

NARVAEZ

Find any sleepers?

WILLSYTHE

Just one, just now. You?

NARVAEZ

Nothing.

INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Willsythe takes the bag of bones and gives it to a Ministry scientist. The scientist does some scientific stuff and eventually places the remains in a regeneration chamber. In a matter of minutes, Jeremiah Cooper has been recreated before our very eyes—bone by bone, muscle by muscle, hair by hair. However he is not moving.

SCIENTIST

It’ll just be another minute.

The scientist leaves. Willsythe goes up close and inspects the seemingly-comatose Jeremiah Cooper.

WILLSYTHE

Four thousand years---now that’s what I call a power nap.

Willsythe taps the glass and Jeremiah’s eyes snap open—startling Willsythe.

Willsythe quickly release a lever and Jeremiah’s pod opens up. He tries to step out but falls forward, Willsythe catches him.

WILLSYTHE

Welcome, friend. Don’t try and walk—your body is in atrophy. Your muscles are brand new.

Jeremiah tries to talk but cannot produce a coherent sound.

WILLSYTHE

You can’t speak yet either—undeveloped vocal chords. Ooh, you’re from 1921-you probably don’t even know what vocal chords are. Well, we’ll have you all fixed up in a few minutes.

Willsythe lifts Jeremiah up and places him into another pod designed to mature his body.

JEREMIAH

..G-g-uh…

WILLSYTHE

It’s understand—-You’re confused. You don’t know what’s going on. This isn’t Heaven. This is earth. You’ve been dead for four thousand years. You know how long a year is? Blink if you understand time.

Jeremiah blinks rapidly.

WILLSYTHE

Good. A lot of the pre-renaissance revivals don’t understand time at all. It’s a whole other headache. Do you want me to hook you up to a machine that will vocalize your thoughts so you can communicate with me? Blink once for yes, twice for no.

Jeremiah blinks.

Willsythe presses another lever and suddenly Jeremiah’s voice is heard through his pod though his mouth does not move.

JEREMIAH’S VOICE

Who are you? Where am I? What happened to me?

WILLSYTHE

You died. Roughly four thousand years ago.

JEREMIAH’S VOICE

Then how am I alive?

WILLSYTHE

About eight centuries ago, man discovered techniques to revive the dead from traces of their genetic material. It’s basic cloning combined with a few rapid aging methods. At first famous historical figure were revived—Julius Caesar, George Washington, Britney Spears. Eventually the government decided that the only humane thing to do was to revive everyone possible. Universal right to life. Everyone in coffins and marked graves have been around for a few centuries. However, people like you who haven’t been properly buried take longer to locate. We call you ‘dirt devils.’ Chances are that most of your friends and family are already revived.

JEREMIAH’s VOICE

I can’t believe I didn’t get a proper burial.

WILLSYTHE

Just be happy you weren’t cremated. Poor bastards are lost to the wind.

JEREMIAH’S VOICE

My memory? How do I remember my life?

WILLSYTHE

That’s the real mystery—seems that humans somehow retain the entire memory of the previous lives upon reanimation.

JEREMIAH’S VOICE

my…soul…?

WILLSYTHE

Don’t get poetic on me: You’ve been dead for four thousands years—have you seen any white lights? Any angels playing harps on puffy clouds?

JEREMIAH’S VOICE

. . .

Willsythe opens up Jeremiah’s pod.

WILLSYTHE

Your body should be fully functional now.

Jeremiah steps out of the pod.

WILLSYTHE

We’ve aged you to thirty-three, the same age you were when you died. If you’d like to be a different age we can do that now.

JEREMIAH

I’m…okay

WILLSYTHE

Good. I’d love to stick around and help you out but you have to be moved to one of Earth’s colony planets. We’re not zoned for civilians here.

A tall, wiry man in glasses, JACOBO LYNN, enters the room.

WILLSYTHE

This is Cmd. Lynn, he’ll help orient you to the new world. I’m sure you have a lot of questions.

JEREMIAH

A few.

WILLSYTHE

But before we begin, I’ve got a question for you. What’s death like? I’ve never died.

JEREMIAH

Never died?

WILLSYTHE

Never. I was born into a world without death.

JEREMIAH

Well, it’s like before you were born. You know what that’s like?

WILLSYTHE

No, but I know it happened.

JEREMIAH

That’s about right.

JEREMIAH reluctantly drops his hands and follows Jacobo.

INT. MINISTRY SHUTTLE – DAY

Jeremiah and Jacobo are sitting aboard a shuttle as it flies through space.

JEREMIAH

Where are you taking me?

JACOBO

Xanadu Six. It’s a planet comprised mostly of 20^th century people…Your transition will be the easiest there. I’m sure this is all very new and foreign to you now, but within a decade you should be familiarized to the modern world.

JEREMIAH

What do I do?

JACOBO

Whatever you want to. There’s no work. No death. No obligations or responsibilities. Everything you could ever want is at your beck and call. Just sit back and enjoy eternity. We’ll try and locate some people from your lifetime to help acclimate you to the new world.

JEREMIAH

That’s…alright.

EXT. LARGE FUTURISTIC APARTMENT COMPLEX – DAY

Jacobo and Jeremiah look up in awe at a giant complex.

JACOBO

This is where you’ll be living. Let’s go inside and take a look.

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT HALL – DAY

Jacobo approaches the door to Jeremiah’s apartment.

JACOBO

You have to speak to open the door.

JEREMIAH

What do I say?

The door to Jeremiah’s apartment opens.

JACOBO

It’s set to open to anything its occupant says—you can set it to open on a specific command later.

JEREMIAH

Gotcha.

The door to Jeremiah’s apartment slams shut.

JACOBO

It also closes to any command.

JEREMIAH

Sorry

The door to Jeremiah’s apartment opens again and Jeremiah and Jacobo enter.

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jeremiah’s apartment is bleak and empty—almost entirely unfurnished. There is no kitchen, no bedroom—just one giant empty room.

JACOBO

Say hello to your new home.

Jeremiah begins inspecting it, when WASHIN comes to the door.

WASHIN

Hey there neighbor!

JEREMIAH

Uh…hello

WASHIN

You new to the neighborhood?

JEREMIAH

You could say that.

WASHIN

Where are you from?

JEREMIAH

Colorado

WASHIN

Is that Spanish?

JEREMIAH

No, it’s part of America.

WASHIN

Which America?

JEREMIAH

The United States.

WASHIN

Ohh, before my time. I’m from Europe. Born 2145.

The entire western hemisphere was part of the Canadian Empire by then. Say, when were you born?

JEREMIAH

1883.

WASHIN

Wow, a real old timer. You’re older than electricity.

JEREMIAH

Electricity?

WASHIN

Never mind. So when did you come back?

JEREMIAH

To life?

WASHIN

Yup

JEREMIAH

About a half hour ago.

WASHIN

you’re real fresh.

JEREMIAH

I suppose

WASHIN

You know what’s funny? I spent my entire life trying to stay alive. I made it to ninety five my first time around—not bad but not immortality. It’s been four centuries since I came back. Four millennia since I was born. Forty thousand since Neanderthals walked the earth and forty millions since dinosaurs did. Ninety five years was just spit in the ocean. And I spent all ninety five of them trying to make ninety-six. Now I have forever. It’s better now.

JEREMIAH

I wouldn’t know—only been around for thirty three years…and a half hour.

WASHIN

Well, you have eternity to think about it.

INT. Jeremiah’s APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jeremiah is lying in his bed—tossing and turning as he tries to sleep. He eventually gets up and leaves his apartment.

EXT. THE STREETS OF THE FUTURE – NIGHT

Jeremiah is walking the streets and stumbles upon TOM BERGEN

TOM

Jeremiah? Jeremiah Cooper?

JEREMIAH

Do I know you?

TOM

I guess you wouldn’t—I’m Tom Bergen.

JEREMIAH

How do you know my name?

TOM

I can’t believe you don’t remember me: you killed me.

JEREMIAH

?

TOM

It was 1905. We were in Dusty Jewel Saloon. You shot me and three of my friends. Killed us good.

JEREMIAH

I remember—you boys were starting trouble.

TOM

I had a lot to do back then, a lot of unfinished business. You know you orphaned my child?

JEREMIAH

I didn’t know. I’m…sorry.

TOM

I don’t think sorry quite cuts it.

JEREMIAH

What can I do?

TOM

Let me kill you. It’s the only way we’ll be even. Eye for an eye.

JEREMIAH

*sigh* go ahead.

TOM brutally beats Jeremiah to death in the streets.

INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMIATION HQ – DAY

TEXT ON SCREEN:

Twenty minutes later…

Willsythe Foresman opens a reanimation hatch releasing a freshly revived Jeremiah Cooper.

WILLSYTHE

You again?

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jeremiah is lying on the floor of his apartment staring idly at the ceiling. We see the door open and JACOBO enters.

JACOBO

Hey, I’m here to check up on you. What are you doing?

JEREMIAH

I’m staring at the ceiling

JACOBO

Why?

JEREMIAH

It’s there

JACOBO

Are you okay, Jeremiah?

JEREMIAH

Close enough.

JACOBO

A lot of people feel disoriented following their revivals—it’s a jarring experience. You should check out the local facilities here—they offer weekly support group meetings for the displaced.

JEREMIAH

I’m a cowboy—I don’t need a support group.

JACOBO

It’s a Cowboy support group—you might even see some familiar faces.

JEREMIAH

Forget it!

JACOBO

It could seriously help you deal with the emotional turmoil of your…

Jeremiah pulls out a revolver and starts shooting at Jacobo’s feet. Jacobo runs out the door.

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT HALL – DAY

JACOBO

Stupid ungrateful roughneck…

…where’d he get that gun from anyway?

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY

JEREMIAH

Stupid orientation agent…

…thinking he can tell me what to do.

Washin enters Jeremiah’s apartment

WASHIN

What’s wrong with that guy?

Washin points to Jacobo, who is running out of the building.

JEREMIAH

A lot of things.

WASHIN

Is he your orientation agent?

JEREMIAH

He thinks so.

WASHIN

I wasn’t too keen on my orientation agent either. I think he kind of picked up on it too. He kept on trying to push me into going to the support groups for 22^nd century Accountant-Samurai.

JEREMIAH?

What’s that?

WASHIN

Around 2110 things got so competitive in the business world they would hire people to attack rival companies. It was a mess.

JEREMIAH

Sounds like it.

WASHIN

I did go to one of those support group meetings though

JEREMIAH

Any help?

WASHIN

I hooked up with a French chick from 2413.

JEREMIAH

Sounds therapeutic.

WASHIN

No regrets. Why, what’s wrong, buddy?

JEREMIAH

This world…this future…

WASHIN

The “future” is the present.

JEREMIAH

That’s just it! It’s the future to me. I wasn’t meant for here. This isn’t my world. This isn’t….right.

WASHIN

It wasn’t “right” when I first came here either. Give it time.

JEREMIAH

I seem to have an overabundance of that.

WASHIN

Join the club.

JEREMIAH

So how do you burn it?

Washin smiles.

EXT. NIAGARA FALLS – DAY

Washin and Jeremiah are standing at the top of the falls.

JEREMIAH

So what are the odds I survive this?

WASHIN

Pretty low.

JEREMIAH

Will it hurt if I don’t make it?

WASHIN

Oh yeah… a helluva lot

JEREMIAH

What if I do?

WASHIN

It’ll probably still hurt. See you on the other side!

Washin jumps headfirst into the falls and plows down them.

WASHIN

Yahooooooooooooooo!!

Jeremiah puts a foot into the water but then immediately retracts it.

JEREMIAH

Brrr…cold

Jeremiah shakes it off and jumps down the Niagara falls.

EXT. NIAGARA FALLS – BASE

Washin and Jeremiah climb out of the water.

JEREMIAH

I can’t believe we made it.

WASHIN

Don’t get too proud of yourself—the first person to survive going over the falls without protection was a seven year old boy. That was 1960.

JEREMIAH

Just when I thought I was a tough guy I’m shown up by a toddler!

WASHIN

Heartbreaking, isn’t it?

JEREMIAH

So what now?

WASHIN

Do it again?

JEREMIAH

Yeah sure

INT. GYMNASIUM – DAY

Washin and Jeremiah are holding swords and walk over to a fencing mat.

WASHIN

Ready?

JEREMIAH

Let’s do it.

Washin and Jeremiah swordfight with one each other. Eventually, Washin lands a blow slicing Jeremiah shoulder.

JEREMIAH

OWWWWWWW

WASHIN

Is it that bad? I can just finish you off if the pain’s unbearable

JEREMIAH

Don’t worry about it.

Jeremiah tosses the sword to his other hand and lunges at Washin. Washin deflects a few blows but eventually Jeremiah cuts off his left arm.

WASHIN

Hey! I liked that arm!

Washin tries to pick up his sword from his severed arm but he cannot pry the fingers open with his hand.

WASHIN

A little help?

Jeremiah removes the sword from Washin’s severed arm and gives it to him. As he turns around to return to his position, Washin slices his shin.

JEREMIAH

Ahhhhhhh…that’s cheating!

WASHIN

So what are you gonna do about it? Kill me?

Washin and Jeremiah returns to their sword fighting.

EXT. TRAIN TRACKS – DAY

Washin and Jeremiah, missing limbs restored, are standing on train tracks.

JEREMIAH

I don’t get this one…we just wait for the train?

WASHIN

Pretty much.

JEREMIAH

So where’s the challenge?

WASHIN

Uh…it’s not supposed to be challenging. It’s exciting.

JEREMIAH

All we do is stand here and get hit by a train. That’s stupid.

WASHIN

Hey! I don’t see you coming up with anything!

JEREMIAH

This is just pointless. I’m getting out of here.

WASHIN

How are you going to get back?

JEREMIAH

I’ll find a shuttle

WASHIN

It’d be quicker my way.

JEREMIAH

Sigh… can’t we at least try to outrun the train or something?

WASHIN

You can, wuss.

JEREMIAH

What did you call me?

WASHIN

A wuss. Cause you’re a wuss.

Jeremiah tackles Washin and the two begin fighting on the tracks.

WASHIN

Wuuuuusss! Wuss! Wuss!

The two continue fighting but eventually hear a train approaching. They look up, see the train but return to their fight. The scene cuts just as the train is about to hit them.

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jeremiah and Washin return to the apartment and Washin collapses onto a sofa.

JEREMIAH

That last one was just stupid.

WASHIN

You mentioned that already. It’s not like you were exactly curing cancer here.

JEREMIAH

Wait, cancer hasn’t been cured yet?

WASHIN

Nah… we just kill you if you get it. In fact, that’s pretty much what we do with most diseases.

JEREMIAH

Seems a little crude.

WASHIN

Why bother fixing something when you can just get a new one?

JEREMIAH (sarcastically)

That sounds like a winning philosophy.

WASHIN

If the shoes fits…

JEREMIAH

I suppose.

WASHIN

We live in a world without death. We got to take advantage of that.

JEREMIAH

I wish I knew about this no-death thing my first time around…I woulda done a lot of things differently

WASHIN

Don’t sweat it. Those born into this society without death are jealous of those who came before them. Only because we had to worry about death did we ever really learn to value life so much. These youngins have no respect for anything.

JEREMIAH

You know, as much fun as it has been engaging in extremely dangerous and lethal activities with you…I’m still not quite at peace here.

WASHIN

You thinking of checking out that cowboy support group?

JEREMIAH

No.

WASHIN

You should consider it…might run into some familiar faces.

JEREMIAH

I’d sooner die

WASHIN

You’ve already done that today.

Jeremiah pauses to consider his words.

EXT. THE STREETS OF THE FUTURE – NIGHT

Jeremiah is walking the streets and stumbles upon ABRAHAM LINCOLN

JEREMIAH

Oh my god. Mr. Lincoln?! My father fought for you in the civil war. He idolized you. I idolized you.

LINCOLN (curtly)

Great.

JEREMIAH

Jeez, Mr. President, you suppose you could me some advice? See, I was just revived a few days ago and I’m not really finding a place here. I just feel out my element. What should I do?

LINCOLN

I’m sick of punks like you coming up to me asking me for advice. Suck it up and leave me alone.

JEREMIAH

You don’t have to be rude.

LINCOLN

Buzz off already.

Lincoln begins walking off and Jeremiah tackles him. The two end up in a fist fight and eventually Jeremiah pulls out his pistol and shoots Lincoln, killing him.

JEREMIAH

What a dick.

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – MORNING

Jeremiah wakes up to the sunrise.

JEREMIAH

…rough night

Washin enters

WASHIN

You feeling better?

JEREMIAH

Actually I think I feel a little worse.

WASHIN

Well I know what will cheer you up

JEREMIAH

?

WASHIN

We’re going on a hunt. C’mon I got tickets!

JEREMIAH

Tickets?

WASHIN

There’s no wilderness left on this planet—we have to go to a hunting ranch.

EXT. HUNTING RANCH – DAY

Jeremiah and Washin are standing in an enclosed pen smaller than a city block watching deer eat from a food dispenser

JEREMIAH

This isn’t hunting

WASHIN

What are you talk about? I see deer!

JEREMIAH

This is shooting fish in a barrel. Didn’t you ever hunt in the old days?

WASHIN

Yeah. But you get used to this.

JEREMIAH

I don’t want to get used to anything.

WASHIN

Suit yourself.

Jeremiah drops his rifle and leaves.

INT. JEREMIAH’s APARTMENT – DAY

Jeremiah is staring at the ceiling again, Jacobo enters.

JACOBO

Jeremiah! I’ve been looking for you! The Cowboy support group is tonight.

JEREMIAH

I don’t want to go

JACOBO

You should really consider it…there’s free donuts

Jeremiah pauses for a beat.

JACOBO

I know you’re a cowboy and you got to do the whole no emotions routine but this place could really help you. Won’t you just give it a shot?

JEREMIAH

I’ll do it…for the donuts

INT. SUPPORT GROUP CENTER HALL – EVENING

Jeremiah walks down a hall and looks at the signs on various doors. He sees pirate support groups, roman legionnaires, samurais, etc. Eventually he comes to a door marked “Cowboys” and enters.

INT. COWBOY SUPPORT GROUP ROOM – EVENING

Jeremiahs enters the cowboy support group meeting where we see five men sitting in a semi circle lead by an instructor, CLAUDIO. The men are BRETT, MARK, HANK, WARREN and JERRY.

CLAUDIO

Hi, you must be new! Take a seat

Jeremiah slowly chooses a seat closest to the door.

CLAUDIO

Why don’t you introduce yourself.

JEREMIAH

I’m…Jeremiah

ALL (in unison)

Hi Jeremiah!

JEREMIAH

Uh…hi

CLAUDIO

I’m Claudio and I’ll be leading today’s group. Why don’t we all go around and introduce ourselves

BRETT

I’m Brett Van Cleef…born 1894. I lived in Missouri for most of my life. I reckon I was something of a gunslinger—killed a couple men before one of them got me. I was revived about four years ago and that’s that.

ALL (in unison)

Hi Brett!

MARK

Hola! MY name is Mark and I’m a Capricorn! I like show tunes and Tobey Macguire movies! I could eat him up! I was born in Nevada in 1915…

HANK (interrupting)

You liar! You was really born in 1850!

MARK

You b****! I’m only two hundred!

HANK

Don’t lie, Marko, we all know how old you really are.

MARK

That’s it! You’re cut off for the rest of the month!

WARREN (interrupting over Hank and Mark)

Uh…I’m Warren. I was born 1908. I served as bartender and proprietor of The Rusty Canteen saloon for most of my life. Brought back about eight years ago and now I’m here.

ALL (in unison)

Hi Warren!

JERRY

Hi. I’m Jerry. I was born…uh…let’s see…1995

CLAUDIO

There were still cowboys in 1995?

JERRY

Uh…mostly no. I mean there were some.

CLAUDIO

Wasn’t the west settled by then?

JERRY

Yeah. I wasn’t really around for the prime, but, uh, yeah I was a cowboy.

CLAUDIO

You fought with guns?

JERRY

Yeah, sorta…I’ve shot guns… yeah

CLAUDIO

But were you a gunfighter?

JERRY

Uh…you could look at things that way…I mean, the 90’s were a weird time.

CLAUDIO

Well, what was your profession? How did you earn your money?

JERRY

I was a…uh…public accountant

CLAUDIO

What’s that?

JERRY

I was a public accountant! OK? MY NAME IS JERRY I WAS BORN IN 1995 AND I WAS AN ACCOUNTANT!

ALL (In unison)

Hi Jerry!

CLAUDIO

So Jeremiah why don’t you tell what brings you here?

JEREMIAH

I was just revived four days ago and I’m not really adjusting to the new world as well as I hoped.

CLAUDIO

That’s ok, Jeremiah. There’s no shame in needing some guidance.

WARREN

We’re all here to help, Jonathan.

JEREMIAH

Jeremiah.

WARREN

Yeah, that’s what I meant.

HANK

He’s right though…there’s no shame in this. I was just telling my hair stylist the other day all about…

MARK (interrupting)

SERGIO? You’re still seeing Sergio! After what you put me through with that man last time!

JEREMIAH

What’s with those two?

Jeremiah points to Mark and Hank

BRETT

Don’t worry about Brokeback Mountain over there. They just kinda squabble amongst themselves…We’re all here for the same reason though.

JEREMIAH

Free donuts?

BRETT

We’re here because we feel alienated in this world.

CLAUDIO

He’s right…but to be at ease with the world, we must first be at ease with ourselves. Let’s all do a trust exercise!

BRETT

Ooh! Ooh! Can we fall backwards!

Claudio begins to lead the group in a exercise.

CLAUDIO

Today we’re going to be internalizing our self healing and trying to listen to our inner childs.

BRETT (to Jeremiah)

Psst…if you can’t take the psychological mumbo jumbo either come with me… We’ll solve things the old fashioned way.

JEREMIAH

How’s that?

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Jeremiah and Brett are drinking scotch and looking pretty wasted.

BRETT (drunkenly)

I used to be a real big shot, ya know. People would pay a lot of money for my services.

JEREMIAH

I miss those days…I used to be someone.

BRETT

It’s the damn future…nobody’s got any fear left in ‘em

JEREMIAH

I can’t solve my problems without threatening violence!

Brett hiccups and turns his head so he’s addressing a coat rack

BRETT

I like you, pal.

Brett tries to hug the coat rack.

JEREMIAH

I like you too.

Jeremiah hugs the coat rack.

BRETT

I hate this future. I miss the old west…I miss days when men were men. Now everyone listening to Roprah.

JEREMIAH

Who’s that?

BRETT

It’s the robot…of Oprah

JEREMIAH

Who’s Oprah?

BRETT

Who’s Oprah about you? Ha!

Brett collapses onto the coat rack

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jeremiah’s door opens and Washin carries him in.

WASHIN

You gonna be okay?

JEREMIAH (drunk)

Hey…hey you…you’re a good friend. You’re a really good friend. I owe you.

Jeremiah collapses onto the floor

WASHIN

You’ve drunken yourself silly, Cooper

JEREMIAH

Yeah…and don’t you forget it! (Trailing off) I always…wanted to…dd…

Jeremiah falls fast asleep.

INT. COWBOY SUPPORT GROUP ROOM – EVENING

Jeremiahs is at a cowboy support group meeting where we see BRETT, MARK, HANK, WARREN and JERRY sitting in a semi circle lead by CLAUDIO.

CLAUDIO

Today we’re gonna discuss healthy ways to express our feelings. Would anyone like to help?

Warren raises his hand.

CLAUDIO

Yes, Warren. Now let’s say I’ve done something to offend Warren—what would be a healthy way for Warren to express this?

BRETT

Shoot at your feet?

CLAUDIO

See Brett, that’s called excessive response. What Warren should do is assume a calm tone and explain how my actions have made him feel.

Brett pulls out a pistol and shoots at Claudio’s feet.

BRETT

Ahahahahaha. So, teach, how’d that make you feel?

CLAUDIO

Now Brett---we’re in a no violence zone here. Put down the pistol.

WARREN

I can’t heal my internal self with Brett shooting!!!

CLAUDIO

You see what you’ve done to Warren!?

BRETT (to Warren)

Mama’s boy!

CLAUDIO

There’s no need for name calling. Ok, does anyone have anything they’d like to share?

WARREN raises his hand

CLAUDIO

Yes, Warren

WARREN

Okay, over the weekend I was finding myself distraught and distracted while I was practicing internalizing my self healing. Do you think my subconscious is trying to keep me from succeeding at being happy?

CLAUDIO

What you need to do is learn how to heal your internal self.

WARREN

Ohhhh…now it all makes sense!

CLAUDIO

Anyone else?

JEREMIAH

I’ve found myself with too much time on my hands.

CLAUDIO

And how does this makes you feel?

JEREMIAH

bored.

CLAUDIO

And how do you feel when you’re bored?

JEREMIAH

Bored.

CLAUDIO

Well there are plenty of activities you could do. You could sing a song or paint a picture.

JEREMIAH

…

CLAUDIO

Or you could go to the zoo or take in a museum. I understand they just opened a dinosaur park here—it’s supposed to be great.

WARREN

Can we take a class trip there?

BRETT

Don’t you ever shut up, suck up?

WARREN

Claudio! Claudio! Brett called me a suck up!

CLAUDIO

Don’t call Warren a suck up, Brett

BRETT

Sorry

BRETT (to Warren)

Rat.

JEREMIAH

Wait, what’s this about a dinosaur park?

CLAUDIO

They just opened one in MX-Ogi.

JEREMIAH

What’s that?

CLAUDIO

You mean “Where’s that?” it’s a few miles north of here. A shuttle leaves every fifteen minutes.

JEREMIAH

Live dinosaurs?

CLAUDIO

Yup, freshly revived just like you and me.

JEREMIAH

Hmmm…

INT. JEREMIAH’s APARTMENT – DAY

Washin and Jeremiah are sitting around.

JEREMIAH

You want a real hunt? I’ve got the granddaddy of ‘em all: Dinosaurs.

WASHIN

What are you saying?

JEREMIAH

Washin, since I’ve been here I’ve been uncomfortable and unhappy. I’ve sat around this sanitized for my protection world where everyone wants to discuss their feelings and cry about the internal self healing.

WASHIN

I thought it was healing the internal self?

JEREMIAH

Whatever! These dinosaurs are my chance. I’m an old fashioned guy in a modern world—and I’m going to drown in it unless I can do things my way. That’s why I propose we go out there and do something no man has ever done before. We take on the greatest combatants nature has to offer: dinosaurs. This is our chance!

WASHIN

I’m in.

JEREMIAH

And so it begins…