HEAVEN CAN’T WAIT:
Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs
An Original Screenplay
FADE UP
EXT.
TEXT ON SCREEN
JEREMIAH COOPER, an old world- weary cowboy, is walking under a blazing sun through the desert. He is obviously exhausted and nearing collapse. He tries to drink from his canteen but there is no water left in it. He collapses to the ground and tries to keep crawling but can barely move. Eventually, he flips over onto his back and closes his eyes. The camera pans out.
EXT. METROPLOIS CITYSCAPE – N/A
Opening credits play over a time-lapse sequence of a cityscape advancing from the early 20th century to the 57th century. The architecture and technology changes accordingly.
EXT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION Headquarters– DAY
TEXT ON SCREEN
Ministry of Reanimation, 5770
INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION CONFRENCE ROOM– DAY
WILLSYTHE FORESMAN and several other Reanimators are in a meeting.
REANIMATOR
The Sawyer curve is catching up with us. We’re at 15% below
this year’s projections. The more dirt-devils we find, the less there are left to find. This year alone we exhausted indigenous burial grounds. We’re chasing ashes.
CHIEF REANIMATOR
That’s no excuse. As long as Jimmy Hoffa is out there, we’ve get work to do. Now get out of here, you all disgust me.
The various reanimators exit.
CHIEF REANIMATOR
Willsythe, not so fast: I’m putting you on the
WILLSYTHE
I thought Fontaine was canvassing the pacific west.
CHIEF REANIMATOR
Shaddup! I reassigned him! Get out of here! You disgust me!
INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION LOBBY- DAY
Willsythe boards a futuristic shuttle.
INT. MINISTRY SHUTTLE – DAY
Willsythe is talking with fellow reanimator NARVAEZ
NARVAEZ
Where you today, ‘Sythe?
WILLSYTHE
Pacific West.
NARVAEZ
WILLSYTHE
Uh…no thanks
NARVAEZ
No. “
WILLSYTHE
EXT. MOJAVE DESSERT – DAY
Willsythe’s shuttle hovers above the desert and slowly lands. A hatch opens and he gets out. The shuttle flies away.
Willsythe pulls out some sort of futuristic organic remain detector and begins walking the desert.
EXT. MOJAVE DESSRET – EVENING
Willsythe is still wandering the desert when his detector starts beeping madly. He pulls out a futuristic shovel and begins moving the sand…eventually he comes upon the skeleton of Jeremiah Cooper.
WILLSYTHE
It’s your lucky day, cowboy. Welcome back.
Willsythe excavates the skeleton and puts it in a specially marked bag. Just as he finishes up, the shuttle he came in on lands and he boards it.
INT. MINISTRY SHUTTLE – EVENING
NARVAEZ
Find any sleepers?
WILLSYTHE
Just one, just now. You?
NARVAEZ
Nothing.
INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Willsythe takes the bag of bones and gives it to a Ministry scientist. The scientist does some scientific stuff and eventually places the remains in a regeneration chamber. In a matter of minutes, Jeremiah Cooper has been recreated before our very eyes—bone by bone, muscle by muscle, hair by hair. However he is not moving.
SCIENTIST
It’ll just be another minute.
The scientist leaves. Willsythe goes up close and inspects the seemingly-comatose Jeremiah Cooper.
WILLSYTHE
Four thousand years---now that’s what I call a power nap.
Willsythe taps the glass and Jeremiah’s eyes snap open—startling Willsythe.
Willsythe quickly release a lever and Jeremiah’s pod opens up. He tries to step out but falls forward, Willsythe catches him.
WILLSYTHE
Welcome, friend. Don’t try and walk—your body is in atrophy. Your muscles are brand new.
Jeremiah tries to talk but cannot produce a coherent sound.
WILLSYTHE
You can’t speak yet either—undeveloped vocal chords. Ooh, you’re from 1921-you probably don’t even know what vocal chords are. Well, we’ll have you all fixed up in a few minutes.
Willsythe lifts Jeremiah up and places him into another pod designed to mature his body.
JEREMIAH
..G-g-uh…
WILLSYTHE
It’s understand—-You’re confused. You don’t know what’s going on. This isn’t Heaven. This is earth. You’ve been dead for four thousand years. You know how long a year is? Blink if you understand time.
Jeremiah blinks rapidly.
WILLSYTHE
Good. A lot of the pre-renaissance revivals don’t understand time at all. It’s a whole other headache. Do you want me to hook you up to a machine that will vocalize your thoughts so you can communicate with me? Blink once for yes, twice for no.
Jeremiah blinks.
Willsythe presses another lever and suddenly Jeremiah’s voice is heard through his pod though his mouth does not move.
JEREMIAH’S VOICE
Who are you? Where am I? What happened to me?
WILLSYTHE
You died. Roughly four thousand years ago.
JEREMIAH’S VOICE
Then how am I alive?
WILLSYTHE
About eight centuries ago, man discovered techniques to revive the dead from traces of their genetic material. It’s basic cloning combined with a few rapid aging methods. At first famous historical figure were revived—Julius Caesar, George Washington, Britney Spears. Eventually the government decided that the only humane thing to do was to revive everyone possible. Universal right to life. Everyone in coffins and marked graves have been around for a few centuries. However, people like you who haven’t been properly buried take longer to locate. We call you ‘dirt devils.’ Chances are that most of your friends and family are already revived.
JEREMIAH’s VOICE
I can’t believe I didn’t get a proper burial.
WILLSYTHE
Just be happy you weren’t cremated. Poor bastards are lost to the wind.
JEREMIAH’S VOICE
My memory? How do I remember my life?
WILLSYTHE
That’s the real mystery—seems that humans somehow retain the entire memory of the previous lives upon reanimation.
JEREMIAH’S VOICE
my…soul…?
WILLSYTHE
Don’t get poetic on me: You’ve been dead for four thousands years—have you seen any white lights? Any angels playing harps on puffy clouds?
JEREMIAH’S VOICE
. . .
Willsythe opens up Jeremiah’s pod.
WILLSYTHE
Your body should be fully functional now.
Jeremiah steps out of the pod.
WILLSYTHE
We’ve aged you to thirty-three, the same age you were when you died. If you’d like to be a different age we can do that now.
JEREMIAH
I’m…okay
WILLSYTHE
Good. I’d love to stick around and help you out but you have to be moved to one of Earth’s colony planets. We’re not zoned for civilians here.
A tall, wiry man in glasses, JACOBO LYNN, enters the room.
WILLSYTHE
This is Cmd. Lynn, he’ll help orient you to the new world. I’m sure you have a lot of questions.
JEREMIAH
A few.
WILLSYTHE
But before we begin, I’ve got a question for you. What’s death like? I’ve never died.
JEREMIAH
Never died?
WILLSYTHE
Never. I was born into a world without death.
JEREMIAH
Well, it’s like before you were born. You know what that’s like?
WILLSYTHE
No, but I know it happened.
JEREMIAH
That’s about right.
JEREMIAH reluctantly drops his hands and follows Jacobo.
INT. MINISTRY SHUTTLE – DAY
Jeremiah and Jacobo are sitting aboard a shuttle as it flies through space.
JEREMIAH
Where are you taking me?
JACOBO
Xanadu Six. It’s a planet comprised mostly of 20th century people…Your transition will be the easiest there. I’m sure this is all very new and foreign to you now, but within a decade you should be familiarized to the modern world.
JEREMIAH
What do I do?
JACOBO
Whatever you want to. There’s no work. No death. No obligations or responsibilities. Everything you could ever want is at your beck and call. Just sit back and enjoy eternity. We’ll try and locate some people from your lifetime to help acclimate you to the new world.
JEREMIAH
That’s…alright.
EXT. LARGE FUTURISTIC APARTMENT COMPLEX – DAY
Jacobo and Jeremiah look up in awe at a giant complex.
JACOBO
This is where you’ll be living. Let’s go inside and take a look.
INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT HALL – DAY
Jacobo approaches the door to Jeremiah’s apartment.
JACOBO
You have to speak to open the door.
JEREMIAH
What do I say?
The door to Jeremiah’s apartment opens.
JACOBO
It’s set to open to anything its occupant says—you can set it to open on a specific command later.
JEREMIAH
Gotcha.
The door to Jeremiah’s apartment slams shut.
JACOBO
It also closes to any command.
JEREMIAH
Sorry
The door to Jeremiah’s apartment opens again and Jeremiah and Jacobo enter.
INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jeremiah’s apartment is bleak and empty—almost entirely unfurnished. There is no kitchen, no bedroom—just one giant empty room.
JACOBO
Say hello to your new home.
Jeremiah begins inspecting it, when WASHIN comes to the door.
WASHIN
Hey there neighbor!
JEREMIAH
Uh…hello
WASHIN
You new to the neighborhood?
JEREMIAH
You could say that.
WASHIN
Where are you from?
JEREMIAH
WASHIN
Is that Spanish?
JEREMIAH
No, it’s part of
WASHIN
Which
JEREMIAH
The
WASHIN
Ohh, before my time. I’m from
The entire western hemisphere was part of the Canadian Empire by then. Say, when were you born?
JEREMIAH
1883.
WASHIN
Wow, a real old timer. You’re older than electricity.
JEREMIAH
Electricity?
WASHIN
Never mind. So when did you come back?
JEREMIAH
To life?
WASHIN
Yup
JEREMIAH
About a half hour ago.
WASHIN
you’re real fresh.
JEREMIAH
I suppose
WASHIN
You know what’s funny? I spent my entire life trying to stay alive. I made it to ninety five my first time around—not bad but not immortality. It’s been four centuries since I came back. Four millennia since I was born. Forty thousand since Neanderthals walked the earth and forty millions since dinosaurs did. Ninety five years was just spit in the ocean. And I spent all ninety five of them trying to make ninety-six. Now I have forever. It’s better now.
JEREMIAH
I wouldn’t know—only been around for thirty three years…and a half hour.
WASHIN
Well, you have eternity to think about it.
INT. Jeremiah’s APARTMENT – NIGHT
Jeremiah is lying in his bed—tossing and turning as he tries to sleep. He eventually gets up and leaves his apartment.
EXT. THE STREETS OF THE FUTURE – NIGHT
Jeremiah is walking the streets and stumbles upon TOM BERGEN
TOM
Jeremiah? Jeremiah Cooper?
JEREMIAH
Do I know you?
TOM
I guess you wouldn’t—I’m Tom Bergen.
JEREMIAH
How do you know my name?
TOM
I can’t believe you don’t remember me: you killed me.
JEREMIAH
?
TOM
It was 1905. We were in Dusty Jewel Saloon. You shot me and three of my friends. Killed us good.
JEREMIAH
I remember—you boys were starting trouble.
TOM
I had a lot to do back then, a lot of unfinished business. You know you orphaned my child?
JEREMIAH
I didn’t know. I’m…sorry.
TOM
I don’t think sorry quite cuts it.
JEREMIAH
What can I do?
TOM
Let me kill you. It’s the only way we’ll be even. Eye for an eye.
JEREMIAH
*sigh* go ahead.
TOM brutally beats Jeremiah to death in the streets.
INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMIATION HQ – DAY
TEXT ON SCREEN:
Twenty minutes later…
Willsythe Foresman opens a reanimation hatch releasing a freshly revived Jeremiah Cooper.
WILLSYTHE
You again?
INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jeremiah is lying on the floor of his apartment staring idly at the ceiling. We see the door open and JACOBO enters.
JACOBO
Hey, I’m here to check up on you. What are you doing?
JEREMIAH
I’m staring at the ceiling
JACOBO
Why?
JEREMIAH
It’s there
JACOBO
Are you okay, Jeremiah?
JEREMIAH
Close enough.
JACOBO
A lot of people feel disoriented following their revivals—it’s a jarring experience. You should check out the local facilities here—they offer weekly support group meetings for the displaced.
JEREMIAH
I’m a cowboy—I don’t need a support group.
JACOBO
It’s a Cowboy support group—you might even see some familiar faces.
JEREMIAH
Forget it!
JACOBO
It could seriously help you deal with the emotional turmoil of your…
Jeremiah pulls out a revolver and starts shooting at Jacobo’s feet. Jacobo runs out the door.
INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT HALL – DAY
JACOBO
Stupid ungrateful roughneck…
…where’d he get that gun from anyway?
INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY
JEREMIAH
Stupid orientation agent…
…thinking he can tell me what to do.
Washin enters Jeremiah’s apartment
WASHIN
What’s wrong with that guy?
Washin points to Jacobo, who is running out of the building.
JEREMIAH
A lot of things.
WASHIN
Is he your orientation agent?
JEREMIAH
He thinks so.
WASHIN
I wasn’t too keen on my orientation agent either. I think he kind of picked up on it too. He kept on trying to push me into going to the support groups for 22nd century Accountant-Samurai.
JEREMIAH?
What’s that?
WASHIN
Around 2110 things got so competitive in the business world they would hire people to attack rival companies. It was a mess.
JEREMIAH
Sounds like it.
WASHIN
I did go to one of those support group meetings though
JEREMIAH
Any help?
WASHIN
I hooked up with a French chick from 2413.
JEREMIAH
Sounds therapeutic.
WASHIN
No regrets. Why, what’s wrong, buddy?
JEREMIAH
This world…this future…
WASHIN
The “future” is the present.
JEREMIAH
That’s just it! It’s the future to me. I wasn’t meant for here. This isn’t my world. This isn’t….right.
WASHIN
It wasn’t “right” when I first came here either. Give it time.
JEREMIAH
I seem to have an overabundance of that.
WASHIN
Join the club.
JEREMIAH
So how do you burn it?
Washin smiles.
EXT.
Washin and Jeremiah are standing at the top of the falls.
JEREMIAH
So what are the odds I survive this?
WASHIN
Pretty low.
JEREMIAH
Will it hurt if I don’t make it?
WASHIN
Oh yeah… a helluva lot
JEREMIAH
What if I do?
WASHIN
It’ll probably still hurt. See you on the other side!
Washin jumps headfirst into the falls and plows down them.
WASHIN
Yahooooooooooooooo!!
Jeremiah puts a foot into the water but then immediately retracts it.
JEREMIAH
Brrr…cold
Jeremiah shakes it off and jumps down the
EXT.
Washin and Jeremiah climb out of the water.
JEREMIAH
I can’t believe we made it.
WASHIN
Don’t get too proud of yourself—the first person to survive going over the falls without protection was a seven year old boy. That was 1960.
JEREMIAH
Just when I thought I was a tough guy I’m shown up by a toddler!
WASHIN
Heartbreaking, isn’t it?
JEREMIAH
So what now?
WASHIN
Do it again?
JEREMIAH
Yeah sure
INT. GYMNASIUM – DAY
Washin and Jeremiah are holding swords and walk over to a fencing mat.
WASHIN
Ready?
JEREMIAH
Let’s do it.
Washin and Jeremiah swordfight with one each other. Eventually, Washin lands a blow slicing Jeremiah shoulder.
JEREMIAH
OWWWWWWW
WASHIN
Is it that bad? I can just finish you off if the pain’s unbearable
JEREMIAH
Don’t worry about it.
Jeremiah tosses the sword to his other hand and lunges at Washin. Washin deflects a few blows but eventually Jeremiah cuts off his left arm.
WASHIN
Hey! I liked that arm!
Washin tries to pick up his sword from his severed arm but he cannot pry the fingers open with his hand.
WASHIN
A little help?
Jeremiah removes the sword from Washin’s severed arm and gives it to him. As he turns around to return to his position, Washin slices his shin.
JEREMIAH
Ahhhhhhh…that’s cheating!
WASHIN
So what are you gonna do about it? Kill me?
Washin and Jeremiah returns to their sword fighting.
EXT. TRAIN TRACKS – DAY
Washin and Jeremiah, missing limbs restored, are standing on train tracks.
JEREMIAH
I don’t get this one…we just wait for the train?
WASHIN
Pretty much.
JEREMIAH
So where’s the challenge?
WASHIN
Uh…it’s not supposed to be challenging. It’s exciting.
JEREMIAH
All we do is stand here and get hit by a train. That’s stupid.
WASHIN
Hey! I don’t see you coming up with anything!
JEREMIAH
This is just pointless. I’m getting out of here.
WASHIN
How are you going to get back?
JEREMIAH
I’ll find a shuttle
WASHIN
It’d be quicker my way.
JEREMIAH
Sigh… can’t we at least try to outrun the train or something?
WASHIN
You can, wuss.
JEREMIAH
What did you call me?
WASHIN
A wuss. Cause you’re a wuss.
Jeremiah tackles Washin and the two begin fighting on the tracks.
WASHIN
Wuuuuusss! Wuss! Wuss!
The two continue fighting but eventually hear a train approaching. They look up, see the train but return to their fight. The scene cuts just as the train is about to hit them.
INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY
Jeremiah and Washin return to the apartment and Washin collapses onto a sofa.
JEREMIAH
That last one was just stupid.
WASHIN
You mentioned that already. It’s not like you were exactly curing cancer here.
JEREMIAH
Wait, cancer hasn’t been cured yet?
WASHIN
Nah… we just kill you if you get it. In fact, that’s pretty much what we do with most diseases.
JEREMIAH
Seems a little crude.
WASHIN
Why bother fixing something when you can just get a new one?
JEREMIAH (sarcastically)
That sounds like a winning philosophy.
WASHIN
If the shoes fits…
JEREMIAH
I suppose.
WASHIN
We live in a world without death. We got to take advantage of that.
JEREMIAH
I wish I knew about this no-death thing my first time around…I woulda done a lot of things differently
WASHIN
Don’t sweat it. Those born into this society without death are jealous of those who came before them. Only because we had to worry about death did we ever really learn to value life so much. These youngins have no respect for anything.
JEREMIAH
You know, as much fun as it has been engaging in extremely dangerous and lethal activities with you…I’m still not quite at peace here.
WASHIN
You thinking of checking out that cowboy support group?
JEREMIAH
No.
WASHIN
You should consider it…might run into some familiar faces.
JEREMIAH
I’d sooner die
WASHIN
You’ve already done that today.
Jeremiah pauses to consider his words.
EXT. THE STREETS OF THE FUTURE – NIGHT
Jeremiah is walking the streets and stumbles upon ABRAHAM LINCOLN
JEREMIAH
Oh my god. Mr. Lincoln?! My father fought for you in the civil war. He idolized you. I idolized you.
Great.
JEREMIAH
Jeez, Mr. President, you suppose you could me some advice? See, I was just revived a few days ago and I’m not really finding a place here. I just feel out my element. What should I do?
I’m sick of punks like you coming up to me asking me for advice. Suck it up and leave me alone.
JEREMIAH
You don’t have to be rude.
Buzz off already.
JEREMIAH
What a dick.
INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – MORNING
Jeremiah wakes up to the sunrise.
JEREMIAH
…rough night
Washin enters
WASHIN
You feeling better?
JEREMIAH
Actually I think I feel a little worse.
WASHIN
Well I know what will cheer you up
JEREMIAH
?
WASHIN
We’re going on a hunt. C’mon I got tickets!
JEREMIAH
Tickets?
WASHIN
There’s no wilderness left on this planet—we have to go to a hunting ranch.
EXT. HUNTING RANCH – DAY
Jeremiah and Washin are standing in an enclosed pen smaller than a city block watching deer eat from a food dispenser
JEREMIAH
This isn’t hunting
WASHIN
What are you talk about? I see deer!
JEREMIAH
This is shooting fish in a barrel. Didn’t you ever hunt in the old days?
WASHIN
Yeah. But you get used to this.
JEREMIAH
I don’t want to get used to anything.
WASHIN
Suit yourself.
Jeremiah drops his rifle and leaves.
INT. JEREMIAH’s APARTMENT – DAY
Jeremiah is staring at the ceiling again, Jacobo enters.
JACOBO
Jeremiah! I’ve been looking for you! The Cowboy support group is tonight.
JEREMIAH
I don’t want to go
JACOBO
You should really consider it…there’s free donuts
Jeremiah pauses for a beat.
JACOBO
I know you’re a cowboy and you got to do the whole no emotions routine but this place could really help you. Won’t you just give it a shot?
JEREMIAH
I’ll do it…for the donuts
INT. SUPPORT GROUP CENTER HALL – EVENING
Jeremiah walks down a hall and looks at the signs on various doors. He sees pirate support groups, roman legionnaires, samurais, etc. Eventually he comes to a door marked “Cowboys” and enters.
INT. COWBOY SUPPORT GROUP ROOM – EVENING
Jeremiahs enters the cowboy support group meeting where we see five men sitting in a semi circle lead by an instructor, CLAUDIO. The men are BRETT, MARK, HANK,
CLAUDIO
Hi, you must be new! Take a seat
Jeremiah slowly chooses a seat closest to the door.
CLAUDIO
Why don’t you introduce yourself.
JEREMIAH
I’m…Jeremiah
ALL (in unison)
Hi Jeremiah!
JEREMIAH
Uh…hi
CLAUDIO
I’m Claudio and I’ll be leading today’s group. Why don’t we all go around and introduce ourselves
BRETT
I’m Brett Van Cleef…born 1894. I lived in
ALL (in unison)
Hi Brett!
MARK
Hola! MY name is Mark and I’m a Capricorn! I like show tunes and Tobey Macguire movies! I could eat him up! I was born in
HANK (interrupting)
You liar! You was really born in 1850!
MARK
You b****! I’m only two hundred!
HANK
Don’t lie, Marko, we all know how old you really are.
MARK
That’s it! You’re cut off for the rest of the month!
Uh…I’m
ALL (in unison)
Hi Warren!
JERRY
Hi. I’m Jerry. I was born…uh…let’s see…1995
CLAUDIO
There were still cowboys in 1995?
JERRY
Uh…mostly no. I mean there were some.
CLAUDIO
Wasn’t the west settled by then?
JERRY
Yeah. I wasn’t really around for the prime, but, uh, yeah I was a cowboy.
CLAUDIO
You fought with guns?
JERRY
Yeah, sorta…I’ve shot guns… yeah
CLAUDIO
But were you a gunfighter?
JERRY
Uh…you could look at things that way…I mean, the 90’s were a weird time.
CLAUDIO
Well, what was your profession? How did you earn your money?
JERRY
I was a…uh…public accountant
CLAUDIO
What’s that?
JERRY
I was a public accountant! OK? MY NAME IS JERRY I WAS BORN IN 1995 AND I WAS AN ACCOUNTANT!
ALL (In unison)
Hi Jerry!
CLAUDIO
So Jeremiah why don’t you tell what brings you here?
JEREMIAH
I was just revived four days ago and I’m not really adjusting to the new world as well as I hoped.
CLAUDIO
That’s ok, Jeremiah. There’s no shame in needing some guidance.
We’re all here to help, Jonathan.
JEREMIAH
Jeremiah.
Yeah, that’s what I meant.
HANK
He’s right though…there’s no shame in this. I was just telling my hair stylist the other day all about…
MARK (interrupting)
SERGIO? You’re still seeing Sergio! After what you put me through with that man last time!
JEREMIAH
What’s with those two?
Jeremiah points to Mark and Hank
BRETT
Don’t worry about
JEREMIAH
Free donuts?
BRETT
We’re here because we feel alienated in this world.
CLAUDIO
He’s right…but to be at ease with the world, we must first be at ease with ourselves. Let’s all do a trust exercise!
BRETT
Ooh! Ooh! Can we fall backwards!
Claudio begins to lead the group in a exercise.
CLAUDIO
Today we’re going to be internalizing our self healing and trying to listen to our inner childs.
BRETT (to Jeremiah)
Psst…if you can’t take the psychological mumbo jumbo either come with me… We’ll solve things the old fashioned way.
JEREMIAH
How’s that?
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Jeremiah and Brett are drinking scotch and looking pretty wasted.
BRETT (drunkenly)
I used to be a real big shot, ya know. People would pay a lot of money for my services.
JEREMIAH
I miss those days…I used to be someone.
BRETT
It’s the damn future…nobody’s got any fear left in ‘em
JEREMIAH
I can’t solve my problems without threatening violence!
Brett hiccups and turns his head so he’s addressing a coat rack
BRETT
I like you, pal.
Brett tries to hug the coat rack.
JEREMIAH
I like you too.
Jeremiah hugs the coat rack.
BRETT
I hate this future. I miss the old west…I miss days when men were men. Now everyone listening to Roprah.
JEREMIAH
Who’s that?
BRETT
It’s the robot…of Oprah
JEREMIAH
Who’s Oprah?
BRETT
Who’s Oprah about you? Ha!
Brett collapses onto the coat rack
INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Jeremiah’s door opens and Washin carries him in.
WASHIN
You gonna be okay?
JEREMIAH (drunk)
Hey…hey you…you’re a good friend. You’re a really good friend. I owe you.
Jeremiah collapses onto the floor
WASHIN
You’ve drunken yourself silly, Cooper
JEREMIAH
Yeah…and don’t you forget it! (Trailing off) I always…wanted to…dd…
Jeremiah falls fast asleep.
INT. COWBOY SUPPORT GROUP ROOM – EVENING
Jeremiahs is at a cowboy support group meeting where we see BRETT, MARK, HANK,
CLAUDIO
Today we’re gonna discuss healthy ways to express our feelings. Would anyone like to help?
CLAUDIO
Yes, Warren. Now let’s say I’ve done something to offend
BRETT
Shoot at your feet?
CLAUDIO
See Brett, that’s called excessive response. What
Brett pulls out a pistol and shoots at Claudio’s feet.
BRETT
Ahahahahaha. So, teach, how’d that make you feel?
CLAUDIO
Now Brett---we’re in a no violence zone here. Put down the pistol.
I can’t heal my internal self with Brett shooting!!!
CLAUDIO
You see what you’ve done to
BRETT (to
Mama’s boy!
CLAUDIO
There’s no need for name calling. Ok, does anyone have anything they’d like to share?
CLAUDIO
Yes, Warren
Okay, over the weekend I was finding myself distraught and distracted while I was practicing internalizing my self healing. Do you think my subconscious is trying to keep me from succeeding at being happy?
CLAUDIO
What you need to do is learn how to heal your internal self.
Ohhhh…now it all makes sense!
CLAUDIO
Anyone else?
JEREMIAH
I’ve found myself with too much time on my hands.
CLAUDIO
And how does this makes you feel?
JEREMIAH
bored.
CLAUDIO
And how do you feel when you’re bored?
JEREMIAH
Bored.
CLAUDIO
Well there are plenty of activities you could do. You could sing a song or paint a picture.
JEREMIAH
…
CLAUDIO
Or you could go to the zoo or take in a museum. I understand they just opened a dinosaur park here—it’s supposed to be great.
Can we take a class trip there?
BRETT
Don’t you ever shut up, suck up?
Claudio! Claudio! Brett called me a suck up!
CLAUDIO
Don’t call
BRETT
Sorry
BRETT (to
Rat.
JEREMIAH
Wait, what’s this about a dinosaur park?
CLAUDIO
They just opened one in MX-Ogi.
JEREMIAH
What’s that?
CLAUDIO
You mean “Where’s that?” it’s a few miles north of here. A shuttle leaves every fifteen minutes.
JEREMIAH
Live dinosaurs?
CLAUDIO
Yup, freshly revived just like you and me.
JEREMIAH
Hmmm…
INT. JEREMIAH’s APARTMENT – DAY
Washin and Jeremiah are sitting around.
JEREMIAH
You want a real hunt? I’ve got the granddaddy of ‘em all: Dinosaurs.
WASHIN
What are you saying?
JEREMIAH
Washin, since I’ve been here I’ve been uncomfortable and unhappy. I’ve sat around this sanitized for my protection world where everyone wants to discuss their feelings and cry about the internal self healing.
WASHIN
I thought it was healing the internal self?
JEREMIAH
Whatever! These dinosaurs are my chance. I’m an old fashioned guy in a modern world—and I’m going to drown in it unless I can do things my way. That’s why I propose we go out there and do something no man has ever done before. We take on the greatest combatants nature has to offer: dinosaurs. This is our chance!
WASHIN
I’m in.
JEREMIAH
And so it begins…
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