Music from Ghana: Leave me Alone

Song by Mimi Devilish, whose name is chanted by the crowd. "Whats the name?" "Devilish!"

Thoughts on tests for vegetative and minimal consciousness

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=learning-in-vegetative-state

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17813-minimally-conscious-patients-can-learn.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news

The following are just some thoughts on these two articles regarding this newly invigorated investigation into distinguishing between people who are in a vegetative state and those who are in a minimally conscious state.

The articles point out that some patients who were thought to be in a vegetative state are capable of some simple associative learning a la Pavlonian or classical conditioning. But what does this tell us about consciousness in these patients? Is the ability to learn these very simple associations sufficient for us to say something is conscious?

For one, I think many people will agree that there are degrees of consciousness, such that humans are somehow more conscious than our primate cousins or our beloved pet dogs. Certainly, dogs are capable of this very simple type of learning as evidenced by the famous Pavlonian trials. But when we consider other organisms capable of classical conditioning, the concept of consciousness begins to become a bit hazy.

It has been demonstrated that sea slugs are capable of this sort of learning. (Bear with me here, as I'm just recalling this from memory and may not be completely accurate). Sea slugs are naturally hard-wired to retract its gills in the presence of certain stimuli, no different than humans are to blinking when something is in their eyes. It has been shown that sea slugs are able to associate a conditioned stimulus to an unconditioned stimulus (which elicits a response--retracting of the gills) after several trials--or the learning period. While scientists are able to give a much more definitive explanation for the phenomena in a sea slug, the implications are that other, more complex organism operate under similar learning mechanisms.

But is this alone enough to say that the sea slug is conscious? There are some philosophical issues that need to be addressed in answering this question, and regardless of which side you choose, the issue of minimally conscious patients complicate the matter further.

If you believe that a sea slug is not conscious, then I would think that you are likely to say that a person in a seemingly vegetative state that is capable of conditional learning is not conscious either. After all, the input-output function is similar and, by choosing this answer, you are more or less taking for granted that the function alone determines consciousness.

For those who believe that the sea slug is conscious, the burden is now on you to differentiate the character or level of consciousness between a minimally conscious patient and a fully conscious one. For example, is a minimally conscious patient that is capable of learning to associate a sound with blinking substantially more conscious than, say, the sea slug, or has this person been reduced to the likes of these gastropods? I think a complete answer to this question will need to address the philosophical and scientific aspects of consciousness, which in turn will need to be reconcilable with today's ethical stance on consciousness or destroy it altogether.

On this sole metric for consciousness, we face difficult questions on whether someone who is in a minimally conscious state should be considered as anything more than a sea slug trapped in a human body. However, as stated earlier, degrees of consciousness are a popular notion, and there is no reason to believe that a diminished consciousness in humans can't also be subject to a continuum.

It has already been shown that one seemingly vegetative patient showed a lot of highly organized and specialized neural activity when verbally asked to think about playing tennis (I think there's a link in the SciAm article somewhere about this). Moreover, stories of seemingly vegetative patients somehow responding to touch or words of a loved one is not uncommon. But is this anything more than a slightly more complex form of classical conditioning? While I haven't read the actual journal on these studies (and I trust that they have taken into consideration the following comments I am about to make), could there be tests for varying degrees of consciousness? For example, instead of asking the patient to visualize playing tennis, ask them to visualize hitting a fuzzy green ball over the net inside the paint to the opponent on the other side with a racquet, then compare the two neural activity patterns to find any significant similarities. Another example would be to condition the number "6" to blinking (via a puff of air), then asking them to calculate simple equations resulting in the number 6.

While this test has many problems in it of itself (e.g., damage to the Broca's area such that they can't understand any words), it could possibly shed a lot of new light on the matter. If they are able to respond to the question "what is two plus four" with a blink, but is unresponsive to the question "what is one plus one," it could offer insights into the degree of the patients consciousness. For example, such results would indicate that the association is not made at the gray-matter level (i.e., the neural activity in the auditory cortex induced by uttering the word "six" into the patients ear) but a "higher," more abstract level of consciousness, such that it is not the word "six" that is associated with blinking but the concept of six. Cases like this are probably extremely rare due to the chances of the appropriate parts of the brain remaining intact after severe overall damage, if not impossible, but I thought it was just something fun to think about.

Music from Ghana: Pigaro

"Pigaro" is a club hit by Ghanian artist Asem. The song's chorus and title, "pigaro" does not translate to anything but refers to a dance made up by the singer. This version of song is notable for the sounds of a jungle cat's roar integrated into the chorus.

Perspectives on the Meaning of Life: Utilitarianism

This is a follow up to PotMoL: Hedonism

Utilitarianism is an ethical system posited as: the good is whatever brings the greatest happiness to the greatest number of people. Utilitarianism is the idea that the moral worth of an action is determined solely by its contribution to overall utility: that is, its contribution to happiness or pleasure as summed among all people, meaning that the moral worth of an action is determined by its outcome. Utility, the good to be maximized, has been defined by various thinkers as happiness or pleasure (versus suffering or pain) thus incorporating a simliar measure as hedonism.

Utilitarianism's connection with hedonism was not lost on its founder, Jeremy Bentham. Bentham, an ethical hedonist, believed the moral rightness or wrongness of an action to be a function of the amount of pleasure or pain that it produced. The calculus could, in principle at least, determine the moral status of any considered act. The algorithm is also known as the hedonistic calculus and the hedonic calculus.

Utilitarianism is an ethical system, and therefore posits man lives for something outside himself. It can be seen as expanding hedonism's values to a community. Whereas hedonism only considers one person's pleasure, Utilitarnism considers the aggregate. Although there are many different ethical systems that people adhere to, almost all incorporate some degree of utilitarian principles.

Music from Ghana: World Trade Center

World Trade Center is by the Ghanaian group 4x4 which consists of two rappers: Captain Planet and Abortion. World Trade Center is their ode to big booty girls as boasted in the song's chorus.

Heaven Can't Wait: Cowboys v. Dinosaurs

And now for somethign completely different, I present my unifinished script for Heaven Can't Wait: Cowboys v. Dinosaurs...

HEAVEN CAN’T WAIT:

Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs

An Original Screenplay

FADE UP

EXT. MOJAVE DESERT – DAY

TEXT ON SCREEN

Mojave Desert, 1921

JEREMIAH COOPER, an old world- weary cowboy, is walking under a blazing sun through the desert. He is obviously exhausted and nearing collapse. He tries to drink from his canteen but there is no water left in it. He collapses to the ground and tries to keep crawling but can barely move. Eventually, he flips over onto his back and closes his eyes. The camera pans out.

EXT. METROPLOIS CITYSCAPE – N/A

Opening credits play over a time-lapse sequence of a cityscape advancing from the early 20^th century to the 57^th century. The architecture and technology changes accordingly.

EXT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION Headquarters– DAY

TEXT ON SCREEN

Ministry of Reanimation, 5770

INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION CONFRENCE ROOM– DAY

WILLSYTHE FORESMAN and several other Reanimators are in a meeting.

REANIMATOR

The Sawyer curve is catching up with us. We’re at 15% below

this year’s projections. The more dirt-devils we find, the less there are left to find. This year alone we exhausted indigenous burial grounds. We’re chasing ashes.

CHIEF REANIMATOR

That’s no excuse. As long as Jimmy Hoffa is out there, we’ve get work to do. Now get out of here, you all disgust me.

The various reanimators exit.

CHIEF REANIMATOR

Willsythe, not so fast: I’m putting you on the Mojave Desert.

WILLSYTHE

I thought Fontaine was canvassing the pacific west.

CHIEF REANIMATOR

Shaddup! I reassigned him! Get out of here! You disgust me!

INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION LOBBY- DAY

Willsythe boards a futuristic shuttle.

INT. MINISTRY SHUTTLE – DAY

Willsythe is talking with fellow reanimator NARVAEZ

NARVAEZ

Where you today, ‘Sythe?

WILLSYTHE

Pacific West.

NARVAEZ

Nevada?

WILLSYTHE

Uh…no thanks

NARVAEZ

No. “Nevada” is what they called that area. It was a province of the Canadian empire.

WILLSYTHE

Nevada, eh?

EXT. MOJAVE DESSERT – DAY

Willsythe’s shuttle hovers above the desert and slowly lands. A hatch opens and he gets out. The shuttle flies away.

Willsythe pulls out some sort of futuristic organic remain detector and begins walking the desert.

EXT. MOJAVE DESSRET – EVENING

Willsythe is still wandering the desert when his detector starts beeping madly. He pulls out a futuristic shovel and begins moving the sand…eventually he comes upon the skeleton of Jeremiah Cooper.

WILLSYTHE

It’s your lucky day, cowboy. Welcome back.

Willsythe excavates the skeleton and puts it in a specially marked bag. Just as he finishes up, the shuttle he came in on lands and he boards it.

INT. MINISTRY SHUTTLE – EVENING

NARVAEZ

Find any sleepers?

WILLSYTHE

Just one, just now. You?

NARVAEZ

Nothing.

INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMATION HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Willsythe takes the bag of bones and gives it to a Ministry scientist. The scientist does some scientific stuff and eventually places the remains in a regeneration chamber. In a matter of minutes, Jeremiah Cooper has been recreated before our very eyes—bone by bone, muscle by muscle, hair by hair. However he is not moving.

SCIENTIST

It’ll just be another minute.

The scientist leaves. Willsythe goes up close and inspects the seemingly-comatose Jeremiah Cooper.

WILLSYTHE

Four thousand years---now that’s what I call a power nap.

Willsythe taps the glass and Jeremiah’s eyes snap open—startling Willsythe.

Willsythe quickly release a lever and Jeremiah’s pod opens up. He tries to step out but falls forward, Willsythe catches him.

WILLSYTHE

Welcome, friend. Don’t try and walk—your body is in atrophy. Your muscles are brand new.

Jeremiah tries to talk but cannot produce a coherent sound.

WILLSYTHE

You can’t speak yet either—undeveloped vocal chords. Ooh, you’re from 1921-you probably don’t even know what vocal chords are. Well, we’ll have you all fixed up in a few minutes.

Willsythe lifts Jeremiah up and places him into another pod designed to mature his body.

JEREMIAH

..G-g-uh…

WILLSYTHE

It’s understand—-You’re confused. You don’t know what’s going on. This isn’t Heaven. This is earth. You’ve been dead for four thousand years. You know how long a year is? Blink if you understand time.

Jeremiah blinks rapidly.

WILLSYTHE

Good. A lot of the pre-renaissance revivals don’t understand time at all. It’s a whole other headache. Do you want me to hook you up to a machine that will vocalize your thoughts so you can communicate with me? Blink once for yes, twice for no.

Jeremiah blinks.

Willsythe presses another lever and suddenly Jeremiah’s voice is heard through his pod though his mouth does not move.

JEREMIAH’S VOICE

Who are you? Where am I? What happened to me?

WILLSYTHE

You died. Roughly four thousand years ago.

JEREMIAH’S VOICE

Then how am I alive?

WILLSYTHE

About eight centuries ago, man discovered techniques to revive the dead from traces of their genetic material. It’s basic cloning combined with a few rapid aging methods. At first famous historical figure were revived—Julius Caesar, George Washington, Britney Spears. Eventually the government decided that the only humane thing to do was to revive everyone possible. Universal right to life. Everyone in coffins and marked graves have been around for a few centuries. However, people like you who haven’t been properly buried take longer to locate. We call you ‘dirt devils.’ Chances are that most of your friends and family are already revived.

JEREMIAH’s VOICE

I can’t believe I didn’t get a proper burial.

WILLSYTHE

Just be happy you weren’t cremated. Poor bastards are lost to the wind.

JEREMIAH’S VOICE

My memory? How do I remember my life?

WILLSYTHE

That’s the real mystery—seems that humans somehow retain the entire memory of the previous lives upon reanimation.

JEREMIAH’S VOICE

my…soul…?

WILLSYTHE

Don’t get poetic on me: You’ve been dead for four thousands years—have you seen any white lights? Any angels playing harps on puffy clouds?

JEREMIAH’S VOICE

. . .

Willsythe opens up Jeremiah’s pod.

WILLSYTHE

Your body should be fully functional now.

Jeremiah steps out of the pod.

WILLSYTHE

We’ve aged you to thirty-three, the same age you were when you died. If you’d like to be a different age we can do that now.

JEREMIAH

I’m…okay

WILLSYTHE

Good. I’d love to stick around and help you out but you have to be moved to one of Earth’s colony planets. We’re not zoned for civilians here.

A tall, wiry man in glasses, JACOBO LYNN, enters the room.

WILLSYTHE

This is Cmd. Lynn, he’ll help orient you to the new world. I’m sure you have a lot of questions.

JEREMIAH

A few.

WILLSYTHE

But before we begin, I’ve got a question for you. What’s death like? I’ve never died.

JEREMIAH

Never died?

WILLSYTHE

Never. I was born into a world without death.

JEREMIAH

Well, it’s like before you were born. You know what that’s like?

WILLSYTHE

No, but I know it happened.

JEREMIAH

That’s about right.

JEREMIAH reluctantly drops his hands and follows Jacobo.

INT. MINISTRY SHUTTLE – DAY

Jeremiah and Jacobo are sitting aboard a shuttle as it flies through space.

JEREMIAH

Where are you taking me?

JACOBO

Xanadu Six. It’s a planet comprised mostly of 20^th century people…Your transition will be the easiest there. I’m sure this is all very new and foreign to you now, but within a decade you should be familiarized to the modern world.

JEREMIAH

What do I do?

JACOBO

Whatever you want to. There’s no work. No death. No obligations or responsibilities. Everything you could ever want is at your beck and call. Just sit back and enjoy eternity. We’ll try and locate some people from your lifetime to help acclimate you to the new world.

JEREMIAH

That’s…alright.

EXT. LARGE FUTURISTIC APARTMENT COMPLEX – DAY

Jacobo and Jeremiah look up in awe at a giant complex.

JACOBO

This is where you’ll be living. Let’s go inside and take a look.

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT HALL – DAY

Jacobo approaches the door to Jeremiah’s apartment.

JACOBO

You have to speak to open the door.

JEREMIAH

What do I say?

The door to Jeremiah’s apartment opens.

JACOBO

It’s set to open to anything its occupant says—you can set it to open on a specific command later.

JEREMIAH

Gotcha.

The door to Jeremiah’s apartment slams shut.

JACOBO

It also closes to any command.

JEREMIAH

Sorry

The door to Jeremiah’s apartment opens again and Jeremiah and Jacobo enter.

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jeremiah’s apartment is bleak and empty—almost entirely unfurnished. There is no kitchen, no bedroom—just one giant empty room.

JACOBO

Say hello to your new home.

Jeremiah begins inspecting it, when WASHIN comes to the door.

WASHIN

Hey there neighbor!

JEREMIAH

Uh…hello

WASHIN

You new to the neighborhood?

JEREMIAH

You could say that.

WASHIN

Where are you from?

JEREMIAH

Colorado

WASHIN

Is that Spanish?

JEREMIAH

No, it’s part of America.

WASHIN

Which America?

JEREMIAH

The United States.

WASHIN

Ohh, before my time. I’m from Europe. Born 2145.

The entire western hemisphere was part of the Canadian Empire by then. Say, when were you born?

JEREMIAH

1883.

WASHIN

Wow, a real old timer. You’re older than electricity.

JEREMIAH

Electricity?

WASHIN

Never mind. So when did you come back?

JEREMIAH

To life?

WASHIN

Yup

JEREMIAH

About a half hour ago.

WASHIN

you’re real fresh.

JEREMIAH

I suppose

WASHIN

You know what’s funny? I spent my entire life trying to stay alive. I made it to ninety five my first time around—not bad but not immortality. It’s been four centuries since I came back. Four millennia since I was born. Forty thousand since Neanderthals walked the earth and forty millions since dinosaurs did. Ninety five years was just spit in the ocean. And I spent all ninety five of them trying to make ninety-six. Now I have forever. It’s better now.

JEREMIAH

I wouldn’t know—only been around for thirty three years…and a half hour.

WASHIN

Well, you have eternity to think about it.

INT. Jeremiah’s APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jeremiah is lying in his bed—tossing and turning as he tries to sleep. He eventually gets up and leaves his apartment.

EXT. THE STREETS OF THE FUTURE – NIGHT

Jeremiah is walking the streets and stumbles upon TOM BERGEN

TOM

Jeremiah? Jeremiah Cooper?

JEREMIAH

Do I know you?

TOM

I guess you wouldn’t—I’m Tom Bergen.

JEREMIAH

How do you know my name?

TOM

I can’t believe you don’t remember me: you killed me.

JEREMIAH

?

TOM

It was 1905. We were in Dusty Jewel Saloon. You shot me and three of my friends. Killed us good.

JEREMIAH

I remember—you boys were starting trouble.

TOM

I had a lot to do back then, a lot of unfinished business. You know you orphaned my child?

JEREMIAH

I didn’t know. I’m…sorry.

TOM

I don’t think sorry quite cuts it.

JEREMIAH

What can I do?

TOM

Let me kill you. It’s the only way we’ll be even. Eye for an eye.

JEREMIAH

*sigh* go ahead.

TOM brutally beats Jeremiah to death in the streets.

INT. MINISTRY OF REANIMIATION HQ – DAY

TEXT ON SCREEN:

Twenty minutes later…

Willsythe Foresman opens a reanimation hatch releasing a freshly revived Jeremiah Cooper.

WILLSYTHE

You again?

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jeremiah is lying on the floor of his apartment staring idly at the ceiling. We see the door open and JACOBO enters.

JACOBO

Hey, I’m here to check up on you. What are you doing?

JEREMIAH

I’m staring at the ceiling

JACOBO

Why?

JEREMIAH

It’s there

JACOBO

Are you okay, Jeremiah?

JEREMIAH

Close enough.

JACOBO

A lot of people feel disoriented following their revivals—it’s a jarring experience. You should check out the local facilities here—they offer weekly support group meetings for the displaced.

JEREMIAH

I’m a cowboy—I don’t need a support group.

JACOBO

It’s a Cowboy support group—you might even see some familiar faces.

JEREMIAH

Forget it!

JACOBO

It could seriously help you deal with the emotional turmoil of your…

Jeremiah pulls out a revolver and starts shooting at Jacobo’s feet. Jacobo runs out the door.

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT HALL – DAY

JACOBO

Stupid ungrateful roughneck…

…where’d he get that gun from anyway?

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY

JEREMIAH

Stupid orientation agent…

…thinking he can tell me what to do.

Washin enters Jeremiah’s apartment

WASHIN

What’s wrong with that guy?

Washin points to Jacobo, who is running out of the building.

JEREMIAH

A lot of things.

WASHIN

Is he your orientation agent?

JEREMIAH

He thinks so.

WASHIN

I wasn’t too keen on my orientation agent either. I think he kind of picked up on it too. He kept on trying to push me into going to the support groups for 22^nd century Accountant-Samurai.

JEREMIAH?

What’s that?

WASHIN

Around 2110 things got so competitive in the business world they would hire people to attack rival companies. It was a mess.

JEREMIAH

Sounds like it.

WASHIN

I did go to one of those support group meetings though

JEREMIAH

Any help?

WASHIN

I hooked up with a French chick from 2413.

JEREMIAH

Sounds therapeutic.

WASHIN

No regrets. Why, what’s wrong, buddy?

JEREMIAH

This world…this future…

WASHIN

The “future” is the present.

JEREMIAH

That’s just it! It’s the future to me. I wasn’t meant for here. This isn’t my world. This isn’t….right.

WASHIN

It wasn’t “right” when I first came here either. Give it time.

JEREMIAH

I seem to have an overabundance of that.

WASHIN

Join the club.

JEREMIAH

So how do you burn it?

Washin smiles.

EXT. NIAGARA FALLS – DAY

Washin and Jeremiah are standing at the top of the falls.

JEREMIAH

So what are the odds I survive this?

WASHIN

Pretty low.

JEREMIAH

Will it hurt if I don’t make it?

WASHIN

Oh yeah… a helluva lot

JEREMIAH

What if I do?

WASHIN

It’ll probably still hurt. See you on the other side!

Washin jumps headfirst into the falls and plows down them.

WASHIN

Yahooooooooooooooo!!

Jeremiah puts a foot into the water but then immediately retracts it.

JEREMIAH

Brrr…cold

Jeremiah shakes it off and jumps down the Niagara falls.

EXT. NIAGARA FALLS – BASE

Washin and Jeremiah climb out of the water.

JEREMIAH

I can’t believe we made it.

WASHIN

Don’t get too proud of yourself—the first person to survive going over the falls without protection was a seven year old boy. That was 1960.

JEREMIAH

Just when I thought I was a tough guy I’m shown up by a toddler!

WASHIN

Heartbreaking, isn’t it?

JEREMIAH

So what now?

WASHIN

Do it again?

JEREMIAH

Yeah sure

INT. GYMNASIUM – DAY

Washin and Jeremiah are holding swords and walk over to a fencing mat.

WASHIN

Ready?

JEREMIAH

Let’s do it.

Washin and Jeremiah swordfight with one each other. Eventually, Washin lands a blow slicing Jeremiah shoulder.

JEREMIAH

OWWWWWWW

WASHIN

Is it that bad? I can just finish you off if the pain’s unbearable

JEREMIAH

Don’t worry about it.

Jeremiah tosses the sword to his other hand and lunges at Washin. Washin deflects a few blows but eventually Jeremiah cuts off his left arm.

WASHIN

Hey! I liked that arm!

Washin tries to pick up his sword from his severed arm but he cannot pry the fingers open with his hand.

WASHIN

A little help?

Jeremiah removes the sword from Washin’s severed arm and gives it to him. As he turns around to return to his position, Washin slices his shin.

JEREMIAH

Ahhhhhhh…that’s cheating!

WASHIN

So what are you gonna do about it? Kill me?

Washin and Jeremiah returns to their sword fighting.

EXT. TRAIN TRACKS – DAY

Washin and Jeremiah, missing limbs restored, are standing on train tracks.

JEREMIAH

I don’t get this one…we just wait for the train?

WASHIN

Pretty much.

JEREMIAH

So where’s the challenge?

WASHIN

Uh…it’s not supposed to be challenging. It’s exciting.

JEREMIAH

All we do is stand here and get hit by a train. That’s stupid.

WASHIN

Hey! I don’t see you coming up with anything!

JEREMIAH

This is just pointless. I’m getting out of here.

WASHIN

How are you going to get back?

JEREMIAH

I’ll find a shuttle

WASHIN

It’d be quicker my way.

JEREMIAH

Sigh… can’t we at least try to outrun the train or something?

WASHIN

You can, wuss.

JEREMIAH

What did you call me?

WASHIN

A wuss. Cause you’re a wuss.

Jeremiah tackles Washin and the two begin fighting on the tracks.

WASHIN

Wuuuuusss! Wuss! Wuss!

The two continue fighting but eventually hear a train approaching. They look up, see the train but return to their fight. The scene cuts just as the train is about to hit them.

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jeremiah and Washin return to the apartment and Washin collapses onto a sofa.

JEREMIAH

That last one was just stupid.

WASHIN

You mentioned that already. It’s not like you were exactly curing cancer here.

JEREMIAH

Wait, cancer hasn’t been cured yet?

WASHIN

Nah… we just kill you if you get it. In fact, that’s pretty much what we do with most diseases.

JEREMIAH

Seems a little crude.

WASHIN

Why bother fixing something when you can just get a new one?

JEREMIAH (sarcastically)

That sounds like a winning philosophy.

WASHIN

If the shoes fits…

JEREMIAH

I suppose.

WASHIN

We live in a world without death. We got to take advantage of that.

JEREMIAH

I wish I knew about this no-death thing my first time around…I woulda done a lot of things differently

WASHIN

Don’t sweat it. Those born into this society without death are jealous of those who came before them. Only because we had to worry about death did we ever really learn to value life so much. These youngins have no respect for anything.

JEREMIAH

You know, as much fun as it has been engaging in extremely dangerous and lethal activities with you…I’m still not quite at peace here.

WASHIN

You thinking of checking out that cowboy support group?

JEREMIAH

No.

WASHIN

You should consider it…might run into some familiar faces.

JEREMIAH

I’d sooner die

WASHIN

You’ve already done that today.

Jeremiah pauses to consider his words.

EXT. THE STREETS OF THE FUTURE – NIGHT

Jeremiah is walking the streets and stumbles upon ABRAHAM LINCOLN

JEREMIAH

Oh my god. Mr. Lincoln?! My father fought for you in the civil war. He idolized you. I idolized you.

LINCOLN (curtly)

Great.

JEREMIAH

Jeez, Mr. President, you suppose you could me some advice? See, I was just revived a few days ago and I’m not really finding a place here. I just feel out my element. What should I do?

LINCOLN

I’m sick of punks like you coming up to me asking me for advice. Suck it up and leave me alone.

JEREMIAH

You don’t have to be rude.

LINCOLN

Buzz off already.

Lincoln begins walking off and Jeremiah tackles him. The two end up in a fist fight and eventually Jeremiah pulls out his pistol and shoots Lincoln, killing him.

JEREMIAH

What a dick.

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – MORNING

Jeremiah wakes up to the sunrise.

JEREMIAH

…rough night

Washin enters

WASHIN

You feeling better?

JEREMIAH

Actually I think I feel a little worse.

WASHIN

Well I know what will cheer you up

JEREMIAH

?

WASHIN

We’re going on a hunt. C’mon I got tickets!

JEREMIAH

Tickets?

WASHIN

There’s no wilderness left on this planet—we have to go to a hunting ranch.

EXT. HUNTING RANCH – DAY

Jeremiah and Washin are standing in an enclosed pen smaller than a city block watching deer eat from a food dispenser

JEREMIAH

This isn’t hunting

WASHIN

What are you talk about? I see deer!

JEREMIAH

This is shooting fish in a barrel. Didn’t you ever hunt in the old days?

WASHIN

Yeah. But you get used to this.

JEREMIAH

I don’t want to get used to anything.

WASHIN

Suit yourself.

Jeremiah drops his rifle and leaves.

INT. JEREMIAH’s APARTMENT – DAY

Jeremiah is staring at the ceiling again, Jacobo enters.

JACOBO

Jeremiah! I’ve been looking for you! The Cowboy support group is tonight.

JEREMIAH

I don’t want to go

JACOBO

You should really consider it…there’s free donuts

Jeremiah pauses for a beat.

JACOBO

I know you’re a cowboy and you got to do the whole no emotions routine but this place could really help you. Won’t you just give it a shot?

JEREMIAH

I’ll do it…for the donuts

INT. SUPPORT GROUP CENTER HALL – EVENING

Jeremiah walks down a hall and looks at the signs on various doors. He sees pirate support groups, roman legionnaires, samurais, etc. Eventually he comes to a door marked “Cowboys” and enters.

INT. COWBOY SUPPORT GROUP ROOM – EVENING

Jeremiahs enters the cowboy support group meeting where we see five men sitting in a semi circle lead by an instructor, CLAUDIO. The men are BRETT, MARK, HANK, WARREN and JERRY.

CLAUDIO

Hi, you must be new! Take a seat

Jeremiah slowly chooses a seat closest to the door.

CLAUDIO

Why don’t you introduce yourself.

JEREMIAH

I’m…Jeremiah

ALL (in unison)

Hi Jeremiah!

JEREMIAH

Uh…hi

CLAUDIO

I’m Claudio and I’ll be leading today’s group. Why don’t we all go around and introduce ourselves

BRETT

I’m Brett Van Cleef…born 1894. I lived in Missouri for most of my life. I reckon I was something of a gunslinger—killed a couple men before one of them got me. I was revived about four years ago and that’s that.

ALL (in unison)

Hi Brett!

MARK

Hola! MY name is Mark and I’m a Capricorn! I like show tunes and Tobey Macguire movies! I could eat him up! I was born in Nevada in 1915…

HANK (interrupting)

You liar! You was really born in 1850!

MARK

You b****! I’m only two hundred!

HANK

Don’t lie, Marko, we all know how old you really are.

MARK

That’s it! You’re cut off for the rest of the month!

WARREN (interrupting over Hank and Mark)

Uh…I’m Warren. I was born 1908. I served as bartender and proprietor of The Rusty Canteen saloon for most of my life. Brought back about eight years ago and now I’m here.

ALL (in unison)

Hi Warren!

JERRY

Hi. I’m Jerry. I was born…uh…let’s see…1995

CLAUDIO

There were still cowboys in 1995?

JERRY

Uh…mostly no. I mean there were some.

CLAUDIO

Wasn’t the west settled by then?

JERRY

Yeah. I wasn’t really around for the prime, but, uh, yeah I was a cowboy.

CLAUDIO

You fought with guns?

JERRY

Yeah, sorta…I’ve shot guns… yeah

CLAUDIO

But were you a gunfighter?

JERRY

Uh…you could look at things that way…I mean, the 90’s were a weird time.

CLAUDIO

Well, what was your profession? How did you earn your money?

JERRY

I was a…uh…public accountant

CLAUDIO

What’s that?

JERRY

I was a public accountant! OK? MY NAME IS JERRY I WAS BORN IN 1995 AND I WAS AN ACCOUNTANT!

ALL (In unison)

Hi Jerry!

CLAUDIO

So Jeremiah why don’t you tell what brings you here?

JEREMIAH

I was just revived four days ago and I’m not really adjusting to the new world as well as I hoped.

CLAUDIO

That’s ok, Jeremiah. There’s no shame in needing some guidance.

WARREN

We’re all here to help, Jonathan.

JEREMIAH

Jeremiah.

WARREN

Yeah, that’s what I meant.

HANK

He’s right though…there’s no shame in this. I was just telling my hair stylist the other day all about…

MARK (interrupting)

SERGIO? You’re still seeing Sergio! After what you put me through with that man last time!

JEREMIAH

What’s with those two?

Jeremiah points to Mark and Hank

BRETT

Don’t worry about Brokeback Mountain over there. They just kinda squabble amongst themselves…We’re all here for the same reason though.

JEREMIAH

Free donuts?

BRETT

We’re here because we feel alienated in this world.

CLAUDIO

He’s right…but to be at ease with the world, we must first be at ease with ourselves. Let’s all do a trust exercise!

BRETT

Ooh! Ooh! Can we fall backwards!

Claudio begins to lead the group in a exercise.

CLAUDIO

Today we’re going to be internalizing our self healing and trying to listen to our inner childs.

BRETT (to Jeremiah)

Psst…if you can’t take the psychological mumbo jumbo either come with me… We’ll solve things the old fashioned way.

JEREMIAH

How’s that?

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Jeremiah and Brett are drinking scotch and looking pretty wasted.

BRETT (drunkenly)

I used to be a real big shot, ya know. People would pay a lot of money for my services.

JEREMIAH

I miss those days…I used to be someone.

BRETT

It’s the damn future…nobody’s got any fear left in ‘em

JEREMIAH

I can’t solve my problems without threatening violence!

Brett hiccups and turns his head so he’s addressing a coat rack

BRETT

I like you, pal.

Brett tries to hug the coat rack.

JEREMIAH

I like you too.

Jeremiah hugs the coat rack.

BRETT

I hate this future. I miss the old west…I miss days when men were men. Now everyone listening to Roprah.

JEREMIAH

Who’s that?

BRETT

It’s the robot…of Oprah

JEREMIAH

Who’s Oprah?

BRETT

Who’s Oprah about you? Ha!

Brett collapses onto the coat rack

INT. JEREMIAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jeremiah’s door opens and Washin carries him in.

WASHIN

You gonna be okay?

JEREMIAH (drunk)

Hey…hey you…you’re a good friend. You’re a really good friend. I owe you.

Jeremiah collapses onto the floor

WASHIN

You’ve drunken yourself silly, Cooper

JEREMIAH

Yeah…and don’t you forget it! (Trailing off) I always…wanted to…dd…

Jeremiah falls fast asleep.

INT. COWBOY SUPPORT GROUP ROOM – EVENING

Jeremiahs is at a cowboy support group meeting where we see BRETT, MARK, HANK, WARREN and JERRY sitting in a semi circle lead by CLAUDIO.

CLAUDIO

Today we’re gonna discuss healthy ways to express our feelings. Would anyone like to help?

Warren raises his hand.

CLAUDIO

Yes, Warren. Now let’s say I’ve done something to offend Warren—what would be a healthy way for Warren to express this?

BRETT

Shoot at your feet?

CLAUDIO

See Brett, that’s called excessive response. What Warren should do is assume a calm tone and explain how my actions have made him feel.

Brett pulls out a pistol and shoots at Claudio’s feet.

BRETT

Ahahahahaha. So, teach, how’d that make you feel?

CLAUDIO

Now Brett---we’re in a no violence zone here. Put down the pistol.

WARREN

I can’t heal my internal self with Brett shooting!!!

CLAUDIO

You see what you’ve done to Warren!?

BRETT (to Warren)

Mama’s boy!

CLAUDIO

There’s no need for name calling. Ok, does anyone have anything they’d like to share?

WARREN raises his hand

CLAUDIO

Yes, Warren

WARREN

Okay, over the weekend I was finding myself distraught and distracted while I was practicing internalizing my self healing. Do you think my subconscious is trying to keep me from succeeding at being happy?

CLAUDIO

What you need to do is learn how to heal your internal self.

WARREN

Ohhhh…now it all makes sense!

CLAUDIO

Anyone else?

JEREMIAH

I’ve found myself with too much time on my hands.

CLAUDIO

And how does this makes you feel?

JEREMIAH

bored.

CLAUDIO

And how do you feel when you’re bored?

JEREMIAH

Bored.

CLAUDIO

Well there are plenty of activities you could do. You could sing a song or paint a picture.

JEREMIAH

…

CLAUDIO

Or you could go to the zoo or take in a museum. I understand they just opened a dinosaur park here—it’s supposed to be great.

WARREN

Can we take a class trip there?

BRETT

Don’t you ever shut up, suck up?

WARREN

Claudio! Claudio! Brett called me a suck up!

CLAUDIO

Don’t call Warren a suck up, Brett

BRETT

Sorry

BRETT (to Warren)

Rat.

JEREMIAH

Wait, what’s this about a dinosaur park?

CLAUDIO

They just opened one in MX-Ogi.

JEREMIAH

What’s that?

CLAUDIO

You mean “Where’s that?” it’s a few miles north of here. A shuttle leaves every fifteen minutes.

JEREMIAH

Live dinosaurs?

CLAUDIO

Yup, freshly revived just like you and me.

JEREMIAH

Hmmm…

INT. JEREMIAH’s APARTMENT – DAY

Washin and Jeremiah are sitting around.

JEREMIAH

You want a real hunt? I’ve got the granddaddy of ‘em all: Dinosaurs.

WASHIN

What are you saying?

JEREMIAH

Washin, since I’ve been here I’ve been uncomfortable and unhappy. I’ve sat around this sanitized for my protection world where everyone wants to discuss their feelings and cry about the internal self healing.

WASHIN

I thought it was healing the internal self?

JEREMIAH

Whatever! These dinosaurs are my chance. I’m an old fashioned guy in a modern world—and I’m going to drown in it unless I can do things my way. That’s why I propose we go out there and do something no man has ever done before. We take on the greatest combatants nature has to offer: dinosaurs. This is our chance!

WASHIN

I’m in.

JEREMIAH

And so it begins…